


Chicken And Waffles

by piratesquared



Series: The Chicken and Waffles Universe [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Bad Puns, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, M/M, Past Animal Abuse, Shameless Smut, Wade is wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:28:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23929927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piratesquared/pseuds/piratesquared
Summary: Spider-Man and Deadpool destroying dudes then hooking up straight after? It's more common than you think!The two super-buds have been sharing a casual thing for a while, but the lack of identities starts to grate on Peter. What's this about a dating site? And some guy with all the right words?
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Tony Stark/Steve Rogers
Series: The Chicken and Waffles Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087964
Comments: 138
Kudos: 512





	1. "See you around, friendly neighbourhood Spidey-Butt"

**Author's Note:**

> First part of a multi-chapter fic. All written out forever ago and ready and waiting to go. Enjoy!

Deadpool sighed as he watched Spider-Man hand over the last webbed up bad guy to the police, avoiding the cop's gaze as he casually flicked at the now drying spots of blood on his suit. They had been pursuing a series of leads on a drugs gang that was getting a little too big for its booties. A small contingent that Spider-Man had heard were trying to entice kids had been tracked down to where they were selling, and Wade had done his best to see that they were out of business. He'd have done more if his darling Spider hadn't gone all ultimate good on him.

He let his eyes roam lazily over his super-buddy's back as he chatted away with the cop, they settled on his snug backside and Deadpool smirked. A stray bolt of arousal shot down to his crotch and he whined, wriggling on the spot.

"C'mon Spidey, wrap it up..."

When another two minutes went by and nothing changed; Wade made a show of dropping his sword on the ground.

Peter's head spun round at the loud clang followed by a not at all innocent;

"Whoopsie."

He was met by the sight of Deadpool; stood with a hand on his hip, watching him intently.

Peter felt a blush creep up his neck, and cleared his throat.

"Anyway. I should, you know, diagnostics and, yeah. A superhero's job is never done!" He almost added a jaunty arm swing but the look on the cop's face told him it probably wouldn't go over well.

"Just; keep him, and those." The cop gestured at the sword Deadpool was bent over cooing to. "Under control, alright?"

"Of course, officers!"

Peter waved them off, all the time rolling his eyes behind his mask.

"God what a bunch of crybabies." Peter jumped as Deadpool was suddenly right behind him. "A little bit of blood and it's all 'You're unhinged! You're using unreasonable force! Who brings massive swords to a gun fight?!'"

Peter fixed him with a stare, though its effect was lost somewhat by the mask. What the mask gives, it takes away, he thought ruefully. Deadpool was watching him quietly, and waved a hand in front of his face.

"Earth to Spider! You in there, Webs?" He changed to a higher pitch. "Oh Spidey! Spidey! Heeeealpppp!"

Peter huffed. "You make a terrible Olive."

Wade smirked and flexed his biceps. "I'd make a brilliant Popeye though. I'd show Olive a good time."

"Ew."

Wade dropped his arms, only to reach over and drag his fingers slowly up Spider-Man's hip.

"Speaking of a good time..."

Peter wanted to protest, but he knew deep down that it was fruitless. Their 'post battle diagnostics' as he'd called it may be mostly for Deadpool's benefit, but he couldn't deny that it had a good effect on him too. Instead he settled on a single word.

"Where?"

Wade had pointed out a building not far from where they were stood, Peter had; after much pouting from Wade, swung them both up there, and was now stood looking at the little wooden shelter whilst also allowing a stray thought for how Deadpool pouts so perfectly without a visible face.

"This looks like people actually use this roof."

Wade looked up from where he was swiftly shedding his various weapons and belts, and stopped only to shrug.

"Well. They're not using it right now." His belt fell to the ground with a soft thud.

Peter stood still.

"Look. If someone interrupts us I'll shoot em in the face!"

"No!"

"Uh, _fine_. I'll do a distracting yet sexy dance so you can get away with your virtues intact. Now, speaking of virtues;" The shelter had benches against the walls, Wade patted one and held his other hand out to Peter. "On you pop."

"Always with the romance." Peter mumbled, but headed over all the same. He reached round to undo his suit but Deadpool beat him to it, popping the barely there fastenings so Peter could wriggle out. Wade stood back to admire the sight in front of him as more pale skin was uncovered. Peter let the suit hang low on his hips and rolled his eyes as Wade gave him a thumbs up.

"C'mon dude! Why are you stalling?"

"Well." Wade paused. "Why am I stalling? Good question Spider-Brain, I have no fucking idea." He kicked his utility belt across the floor. "What's behind door number 3?"

"Oh my god is it condoms I'm so excited." Peter's deadpan tone said anything but.

"You know Webs, you don't half make all this hard."

"I thought that was the point." He poked around inside the belt's pouches until he found what they needed. He stood back up and frowned at Deadpool's still dressed state.

"Why do you always wait till I’m turned around to get your junk out?"

"I've told you before. It is so impressive the sight would blind you. And I've already got a blind sidekick. I don't need two."

Peter sighed, but turned anyway, kneeling up on the bench. He heard Wade's fly open, and a gloved hand waggled by his head until he passed the condoms and lube over.

There was a pause as Spider-Man's suit was tugged down further, exposing his ass to the air, then a definitely not gloved, but very lubed up hand touched his skin. A finger slipped inside him a second later and Peter groaned.

"Not stalling now, am I?"

Peter shook his head as Deadpool was true to his word, he heard a packet open, then a strong hand on his hip, then the Merc was inside him, and it was all Peter could do to hold on to the bench and take the fast pace.

Sex with Deadpool was rough, it was always rough. But beneath the roughness there was control, proved when a particularly sharp thrust made Peter yelp, his hips were pulled up higher and his yelps turned into moans as they lined up perfectly.

"De...D... I'm gonna..."

"Touch yourself?" Wade replied breathlessly. "Well I was starting to wonder."

Peter rolled his eyes, but stuck a hand down his suit and pulled his dick out, chasing the building feeling in his belly as Deadpool searched for his own.

It didn't take long, three more well timed thrusts and Peter was coming. His hips pushed back against Wade's and the Merc tightened his grip. His Spider's noises were too much and Wade cried out, slamming deep inside as he came, fingers digging deep into Peter's hips. He stumbled back as his legs went weak, leaning back on the small table in the shelter as he tried to get his breathing back under control.

Peter's head had fallen onto his arms, and he sighed as he felt Deadpool leave him. He hung there a moment longer before flopping over onto his butt with a whine. He glanced up and sighed; Deadpool had jumped up off the table and was stood with his back to Peter.

"Look, I know we're not doing names, but I need to something better to call you 'in the moment' than Deadpool."

Wade still had his back to Spider-Man as he tidied up and fastened himself away; the other man's voice was breathy as he struggled back into his own costume.

"I thought you were going with D, you say it often enough."

Peter shrugged, a little bashful. "That wasn't exactly on purpose; I just couldn't get the word out."

Deadpool smirked and, after giving his groin a pat, turned on his heel just in time to see Spider-Man fully dressed.

Shame.

"Does it matter?"

"Well, you have tons of nicknames for me."

"Look, Webs-"

"See!"

Wade groaned. "Listen Spider-man, I can't come up with my own nickname can I? How lame would that be?"

The two stood silently for an entire minute.  
  
"Wow. You're just gonna let that hang there."

"You bet your sweet Spidey ass I am!" Deadpool said proudly, and then added a second later. "Heh, hang. Cuz you're a Spider."

"I'm leaving now."

"That's cold Spidey."

"You're cold. I actually am leaving though."

"Yeah, I know. See you around, Friendly neighbourhood Spidey-butt."

Spider-Man groaned but waved a hand as his other shot a web and he disappeared off the edge of the roof. Wade considered rushing to the edge and peering over like a distraught maiden, guns flapping on the breeze, but they were really high up and he fancied a night without having to grow back any limbs.

He threw the used rubber in the vague direction of some abandoned pizza boxes in the corner of the rooftop, returned his precious weapons to his person and made for the fire escape.

Peter swung swiftly through the city, musing on just when his occasional teaming up with Deadpool had turned into 'destroy the bad guys then bang all over the crime scene'. He pulled his mask off as he neared his building, climbing up the wall to the window he always left unlocked. Peter slipped inside the small apartment and flopped down his bed.

He didn't mind the change in their working relationship, the sex was better than anything he'd had before, but Deadpool's reluctance to reveal anything other than Peter's body was starting to get on his nerves. A pretty hefty yawn pulled him out of his thoughts, and he sat up long enough to wriggle out of his suit before collapsing back under the covers.

-

"Hey! Al Pacino, I loved you in Scarface!"

Al groaned, a usual reaction to her unfortunate house mate returning.

"You smell like sex and pizza."

Wade pulled his mask off and looked down at the pizza box in his hand.

"Maybe that's because I just had sex, and now I'm hungry?"

"Did you bring me any?"

"Sorry Al, he's only into Spandex."

Wade yelped as Al whacked his shin with her cane.

"You're an asshole. Slice me."

"In two? Or would you prefer hung, drawn and quartered like they did back in your good old days?"

"How old do you think I am?"

Wade dropped down on the sofa next to her, placing the box on her lap.

"103? Or is this a trick question?"

"Asshole." She repeated, tucking into the pizza. Wade simply smiled and leaned against her as he helped himself. 


	2. "AIN'T no web string strong enough! To keep me from getting in your pants!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spider-Man and Deadpool destroying dudes then hooking up straight after? It's more common than you think!
> 
> The two super-buds have been sharing a casual thing for a while, but the lack of identities starts to grate on Peter. What's this about a dating site? And some guy with all the right words?
> 
> -
> 
> A risky moment in in an alleyway leaves Peter with some serious thinking to do. Also if Wade could stop singing for two seconds that would really help.

Peter had planned a nice evening watching trash TV and eating something more wholesome than three minute noodles, but then Deadpool had called about a 'sure lead' and 'could sure use a strong fella like yourself' so here he was, stalking across rooftops as Deadpool followed him through back alleys.  
  
The plan had been to sneak up on where Deadpool had heard the drug gang they'd been pursuing for weeks held their big deals, web everyone up, and be back home in time for Family Feud.   
  
For a plan Deadpool had come up with, he was doing a terrible job of following it. Peter was at least six stories above him and he could hear every word the Merc was singing.

  
  
"Ooh cuz there ain't no Spidey high enough!-"   
  
"Dead-"   
  
"AINT NO Deadpool loooww enough!"   
  
"I'm-"   
  
"AIN’T no web string strong enough! To keep me from getting in your pants!"   
  
"Seriously just shoot me, honestly its fine." 

  
  
Deadpool ignored him. 

  
  
"Hey, Spidey?"

  
  
It was Peter's turn to blank out the other man as he pounced forward, spying some shadowy figures at the other end of the alley below.

  
  
"Who's Lorraine?"   
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"   
  
"If you like Pina Coladas!- and getting caught in Lorraine!"   
  
"I wonder if a fall from this height could kill me..." Peter peered over the edge but decided not to risk it.  
  
"Hey Deadpool, honey?"  
  
"Yes, baby?"  
  
"Want to shut up and focus on the job?" 

  
  
Wade was about to reply when a he heard a shout, followed by a shot that whizzed past him and connected with the wall behind him.  
  
Spider-Man jumped and stuck to the wall, firing a web ball that covered the offending gun, it wasn't enough though as another shot fired straight at him, Peter just managing to back flip out of the way and land on the ground.  
  
Wade had seen the second shot and was pissed.  
  
People daring to shoot, at His Spider?? Well that just won't do.

  
  
"I've got this one, Spidey!

Peter watched transfixed as Deadpool made quick work of the more heavily armed bad guys that were advancing on them, mouth on the run as fast as his legs.

"Hi! My name's Deadpool!" 

One guy took a gun to the face.

"I like long walks on the beach!"

Sword sliced through a second's chest.

"And cosy nights in!"

He kicked a third square in the nuts.

He head butted a fourth and watched him fall to the floor.

"You guys are looking for love in aaaaall the wrong places!" 

"Are you done?"

Deadpool looked up, and aimed his gun straight at Spider-Man. Peter jumped in shock as the bullet zoomed just past him, and hit something with an audible squelch behind him.

Peter spun around just in time to see a fifth guy crumple to the floor, the gun he'd been holding to Peter's head clattered uselessly to the floor.

"Yo, Webs!! What's the point in having all these Spidey Senses if you're not going to use them?!"

He turned back to see Deadpool skidding to a halt in front of him.

"I didn't-"

"Look I know you can't wait to get your hands on all this, but we have to fight the bad men before the fun sexy part."

"I was about to thank you, but you can get stuffed."

Wade smirked. "We both know the only one getting stuffed here is you." He trailed the muzzle of his gun down Spidey's mask, it fueled something ridiculous low in Peter's belly and he growled softly, batting the gun away before grabbing hold of Deadpool's belt.

"Screw it, me, now."

Wade didn't need to be asked twice; he grabbed hold of Spider-Man and dragged him deeper into the alley, pushing his back up against the wall.  
  
He shoved his hand between Peter's legs; a grin at the moan it earned him soon fell when he groped around. 

  
  
"Do you not have a fly on this suit?"

  
  
Peter shook his head. 

  
  
"How do you pee?!"  
  
"Does that really matter right now?!"  
  
"Well considering I was going to give you the world's best hand job, little bit."

  
  
Peter groaned, and after reaching behind his neck and popping his suit open, turned to face the wall.  
  
"Webs?"  
  
"Take a hint?"

  
  
Wade stared at his back for a second, but catching on and pulling the suit open as far as it would go, he stuck his hand inside, finding Peter's stomach and moving down.

  
  
"Underwear? Really?"  
  
"Yeah some of us own it."  
  
"VPL is a serious issue Spidey."

  
  
Peter groaned out of frustration and grabbed Wade's hand through his suit, pushing it harder against himself. Wade gave a testing squeeze before plunging his hand inside the boxers, gripping Peter hard.  
  
Peter moaned as the rough friction of Deadpool's gloves sent his senses into overdrive, thrusting forward into Wade's fist as he started to stroke him off. Wade had managed to get his own bottoms open and had himself in his other hand, stroking them both off in time. 

  
  
"Shit... I can't breathe..." Peter pawed at his mask and a shot of panic rocked through Wade, until Peter tucked it just over his nose.

  
  
Peter groaned freely now as Wade sped up, grabbing onto his hip as he let his head fall back on Wade's shoulder.  
  
God, Wade wanted to kiss him. Spider-Man had more pouty lips than Deadpool could've imagined. And he'd spent a lot of time imagining that mouth. He settled instead for tucking his nose against where he assumed Spidey's ear lay. He could feel his orgasm building swiftly, and tightened his grip, wanking them both off with abandon.  
  
Peter's hips had started rocking furiously into Wade's hand, the buzz was starting to swarm around his head and he knew he was close.

  
  
"I'm gonna..."  
  
"Me too. Go on, do it, come for me baby." 

  
  
Peter arched his back against Wade's chest, releasing with a groan and covering Wade's glove as he moaned loudly. The thought of his now ruined glove combined with the noises coming from Spidey's uncovered mouth pushed Wade over, and he came in his hand and on the back of Peter's suit.   
  
Peter's head fell forward, and Wade pushed them both against the wall, pulling his hand from Peter's suit before collapsing on the cool bricks next to him.  
  
He was about to comment on Peter's mask, when a flash went off in the alley. Wade jumped up and spotted the guy he'd head-butted still lying on the ground, but his phone was in his hand and aimed at them both.

  
  
"Hey douche! Unless you want to get your ass handed to you by a guy with his dick hanging out, you should probably delete that!"

  
  
Peter came out of his haze just in time to catch the last of Wade's sentence.

  
  
"Wait, what?"  
  
"Fucking make me!" Came the reply from the goon, and Deadpool grinned.  
  
"Dick out or in? Your choice!"  
  
"Fuck you!"  
  
"Aww I'm sorry sweetie." Deadpool said as he pulled his sword from its sleeve. "Somebody already did." 

  
  
He jumped up and kicked off the wall, letting out a shout of:

"Close your eyes, baby!"

Warning Peter to look away just as Wade's sword connected with the goon's skull. And then the ground. He pulled it free and wiped it off on the now dead guy's jacket, fastened himself away and swooped down to grab the bad guy’s phone. 

  
  
Peter had by now done his suit back up, but his mask was still tucked over his nose. "Was he... did he film us?"

  
  
Wade flicked though the phone. 

  
  
"Nah. Just a couple grainy photos, then a blown out one of us leaning up the wall." He held the phone up but Peter blocked it with his hand.  
  
"Just, destroy it, please." 

  
  
Wade took one more look at the photos, before dropping the phone on the floor and stamping on it until it was in too many pieces to count.  
  
Peter was leaning back against the wall with his head in his hands.

  
  
"Maybe... next time, keep the mask down?"

  
  
He looked straight at Wade and tugged his mask back down over his face.

  
  
"Or maybe next time we don't hump over the bad guys?"  
  
"Touché."

  
  
Wade watched Spider-Man's internal breakdown for a moment more before stepping over to him and grabbing his shoulders.

  
  
"Hey...Hey! It's okay!"  
  
"No it's not okay! We could've been exposed! Do you know what that would do to my reputation?"  
  
"You ashamed to be seen with me, Spidey?"  
  
He sighed horribly. "No, just more as Super Team Mates instead of porny alley way dwellers."  
  
"Fair point. Our porn would make so much money though."  
  
"And he's back."

  
  
Wade grinned and clucked his knuckles on Spidey's cheek. 

  
  
"You'd miss me if I wasn't."  
  
"You might actually be right." Peter clutched his stomach as it grumbled loudly.  
  
"Crap. I never ate."   
  
"I guess you're going then?"  
  
He tilted his head at Wade. "Could come with me?"  
  
"I ate earlier-" He saw Spidey's shoulders slump. "But I... guess I could get a drink?"  
  
"I'm sure we can fit a straw up inside that mask of yours."   
  
Wade grinned. "Well I do like a challenge. How'd you like tacos?"  
  
"Like I like my men."  
  
"You like Mexican guys?"  
  
Peter laughed and walked out in front of Wade.   
  
"Sure D, whatever you want to think." 

  
  
Wade watched him go for a second, before remembering his back. He caught up to Peter and quickly rubbed his hand over the stain.

  
  
"You know what? I don't even want to know."

-

Peter had spent another hour with Deadpool, polishing off four tacos and snort laughing as Wade not only successfully got a straw up inside his mask, but somehow managed to get soda to go through it. It wasn’t until he’d returned home that the gravity of what had happened in the alleyway really hit him.

He’d known ever since he started working with Deadpool that he was dangerous, Tony had made sure to warn him as much, but this was a whole new level. His recklessness was starting to rub off on Peter, and that was never going to end well.

Then there was the whole other issue of their ‘relationship’. Not that it could ever be called that. Wade had made it clear he was only in this for one thing, and since Peter was happy to give it to him, there had been no problems. But now Peter craved more, the rare times he spent with Deadpool when they weren’t working or screwing were fantastic. But he still held out on Peter. Their whole deal revolved solely around Deadpool summoning Spider-Man, and Peter was getting sick of it.

Deadpool didn't even have a phone! Contacting him was basically impossible. Peter could remember the conversation, and how he'd stood for a full five minutes waiting for the punch line.

The two hadn’t been working together long, and every run in had just been by chance. When Peter had offered they swap numbers, Deadpool had awkwardly denied it.

"What do you mean you don't have a phone?"

“Well, obviously I have a phone. It’s just, you know, attached to my house.”

“How old are you? I couldn’t live without my phone.”

Deadpool just shrugged.

"I try not to mix business and pleasure these days. Once sent a dick pic to Wolverine, boy, he did _not_ appreciate it."

Peter crossed his arms.

"What if I need to get hold of you?"

Deadpool thought for a moment, hands on his hips as he looked up above them.

"You could always shine a big D in the sky"

"...."

"I meant D for Dead-"

"Yeah, no. I got that." Peter sighed. “Look just, have mine alright? And when you finally re-join the modern world you can give me yours.”

From that moment on whenever Deadpool needed Spider-Man, or more recently had need of him, he’d call from a payphone. Peter must be the only person in his twenties who actually looked forward to unknown numbers. The first time had been pretty baffling though.

“So you finally got a phone?”

Deadpool glanced over at him.

“No?”

Spidey stared at Deadpool for a minute.

"But...today....you called me."

"Yeah?"

"But you don't have a phone?"

"They've got these great new things Webs, they're like cell phones? But they're huge? And inside a see through box-"

"Because you couldn't just say payphone... I haven't seen one of those in years"

"It's the see through glass, makes em hard to spot"

Peter was getting a headache.

~

Deadpool never did get a phone. They’d been hooking up for months now and Peter was over it. He sighed horribly and rolled over on his bed, burying his face in his pillows. How on Earth was he supposed to end something with someone who carried around swords for a living?

-

It was a week since the tacos and cell phone incident and Wade was missing Spider-Man. He’d took himself out and tracked down some low level crime, then called Spidey and pretended the whole thing was much worse.

It was pathetic, but Wade figured so was falling hard for a guy whose face he’d never seen.

Spider-Man had shown up just as Wade was steadily working his way through the goons, who had apparently called for back-up because he was sure he’d only counted five before, and had just finished telling Wade off for how many body parts were littering the floor.

He was now perched on top of a bin, tucked up like a cat away from the blood.

"How come whenever you call me it's because something bad is happening?"

Wade was patting down the last body he'd just... helped sleep. 

"I thought that was the whole point?"

Peter spied a dry patch and pounced up and off the wall to land in it.

"So the sex is a bonus?"

"The sex is- what is this, what are you doing?"

Peter sighed and crossed his arms.

"Why don't you ever just call me?"

Wade was standing facing him now.

"You want me to call you to come have sex? Like a booty call?"

"No! I'm wasting my time."

"No come on, tell me."

"Is this all you want? We beat some people up, get all sweaty and then leave?"

"I never make you leave."

"You never make me stay either."

Deadpool was wounded; he wanted Spidey around him all the time.

"I'm no good for you."

"Don't you think that should be my choice?"

Wade shrugged. "Believe me, it’s better this way."

"Well then, I can't do this anymore."

"Are we... are you leaving?"

"I'll still help out when you need me, but that's it. You might be okay with just hooking up, but I want more. From now on, this is just work."

Wade didn't know what to say. Everything was screaming at him to stop Spidey leaving, to just rip off their masks and kiss him and not give a damn. But how could he? This was Spider-Man for Christ’s sake. He couldn't ruin someone so perfect.

"If that's what you want."

It wasn't, but Peter didn't see any other option. He couldn't keep getting his hopes up only for them to be stomped on over and over. He was glad his face was covered as he knew his expression would betray him.

"It's the only way; call me when you need me alright? Bye D." 

With that Peter jumped up, shooting a web and flying over the top of the building next to them.

Wade watched him leave and sighed deeply.

"But I always need you."


	3. "What's up Incy Wincy? Get washed down the drain?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Al both find their own ways to stop their respective boys from moping. Out of the thousands of dating sites in the world, what's the chances both Wade and Peter meet someone who appreciates a good cheese pun?
> 
> (Warning: Contains really bad cheese puns. Like, the worst.)

Deadpool didn't call. 

-

Peter groaned as his phone chirruped loudly, squinting into the dark his heart fell when saw it was Tony.

"Lo?"

"Wakey Wakey! We've got a job on, could use a Spider's touch."

"Time is it?"

"Hell should I know? C’mon, I'll be flying past your place.... now."

Peter jumped at the knock on his window. 

"It's get up time, Peter!" Iron Man waved through the window and Peter pulled the pillow over his face.

"Don't make me blow out the window."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Well I mightn't... Hulk on the other hand..."

Peter froze, and threw the pillow away from him, jumping from the bed in a panic.

"Atta boy! Meet you on the roof in five." 

10 minutes later Peter popped up on the roof, Tony was sat on the roofs edge.

"You're late."

Peter yawned widely and Tony rolled his eyes, floating to his feet he tapped on his helmet. 

"Hey Cap? Be a dear and pick Pete up the strongest coffee you can find?" He turned back to Peter. "And don't think I can't see you glaring at me behind those plastic eyeballs."

"Can we just go?"

Tony closed his helmet. "Just waiting on you, Kid!"

\- 

The 'job' was awful. Someone had managed to summon exploding squelch monsters, who then proceeded to live up to their name. 

"Urgh! Why is everything always mucus?!" Clint called out after receiving a pretty big shot to the face. Natasha was shooting one handed, the other clasped over her mouth. Thor on the other hand was having the time of his life, flying up the air and slamming his hammer down right in the middle of the blobs, cheering as they splattered.

"This is great fun!" He howled as Hulk charged through the remaining group of monsters, coming out the other side soaked with a roar. 

Cap held up his shield as Hulk shook himself off like a dog, and Peter was struck by a sudden thought of how much Deadpool would've loved this. 

He sighed and flopped down the floor, crossing his legs and resting his face in his hands. Cap waved a hand over at Tony. 

"Looks like we've got a problem."

"Oh boy." 

Peter looked up as he heard Tony's thrusters splutter near him, the helmet opened and he looked away as Tony peered down at him.

"What's up Incy Wincy? Get washed down the drain?"

"Can I go now?"

"No. You're coming back with us, don't argue! Can't have you trailing whatever the hell this stuff is back through Queens." 

-

Peter rubbed at his hair with a towel, silently grateful for Tony's insistence to come back with them as the showers at the Avengers facility were amazing. 

A knock at the door drew his attention and Clint's voice floated through. 

"Hey Pete? There's some clothes out here for you alright? Tony just threw them at me; I didn't want to ask why he had them."

Peter grinned. "Thanks Clint."

He peeked around the door a couple of minutes later and grabbed the clothes from where Clint had left them on the floor. 

He passed Thor in the corridor on the way to the main room; the God was in his 'human' clothes, hair pulled back in a damp bun. He clapped Peter on the back with a hearty:

"See you again, young Spider!" 

Then strode off down the corridor, leaving a slightly bewildered Peter in his wake. 

"Peter!"

Bruce called out to him as he walked into the room.

"Help me!" 

He was sat in between Tony and Clint, the former was waving his fancy tablet in Bruce's face, Clint was downing a burger as fast as his mouth would allow it. 

Peter moved over to them and leaned on the back of the sofa. 

"What are they doing?"

"We are trying to set Brucey up on a dating site!"

Clint held his hands out wide. 

"Err, less of the we." He reached in front of the chair and passed a bag over his head. "Here Pete, can you guys at least let him eat first?"

Peter liked Clint. He took the bag gratefully and could've cheered at the burger and fries that lay inside. 

"Why're doing that?" He spoke around a mouthful of fries, and Tony turned to give him a look before replying.

"He's too much of a catch to be on his own!"

Bruce looked like he wanted the sofa to swallow him up. "And I told him, I'm fine!"

"Are you causing trouble again?" 

Steve's voice rang out clearly as he appeared next to Peter, leaning over the sofa to place a quick kiss to Tony's cheek. Peter's shoulders slumped and it didn't go unnoticed by the Captain.

"I, am helping."

"I don't believe that for a minute." Steve replied as he perched on the arm of the sofa next to Tony. 

"Look, all’s I'm saying is it can't hurt to look." Tony was tapping away on the screen. "Now Bruce? Men or Women?"

"Tony!" 

"Why don't you give him a break, huh?" Peter spoke up and instantly regretted it.

Tony turned with a look that only Tony could do. "Say, Pete, how's your love life?"

"Tony-" Steve's voice carried a warning.

"Oh fine. Bruce it is then."

Peter tapped Bruce on the shoulder and smiled when the doctor looked round to him.

"I'll do it if you do." 

Half an hour later and with no input allowed from Tony; much to his annoyance, two perfectly sound accounts had been set up for Bruce and Peter. 

Tony was now trying to snatch the iPad back off of Bruce to see who he was matching with, Steve watched them with a smile then caught Peter stood across the room, staring out the window.

"That was a nice thing you did."

Pete looked up as Steve leaned against the glass near him. 

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I guess."

"So, who is she? Or was she... or he?"

"You're not very good at this are you?"

Steve smiled. "Look it's either me or Tony, your choice."

"Jesus. I'm sorry, you're doing fine."

"So?"

Peter sighed. "He, it was he. And I couldn't tell you his name, he never told me."

"So it was just a one-time thing?"

"Nope. Went on for a while."

Steve frowned. "But how-?"

"Believe me. You don't want to know. Anyway, I got sick of it just being a casual thing and I ended it. But we were friends and we used to hang out and-" 

Peter felt his voice wobble and stopped.

"It's okay to miss him you know. When did this all happen?"

"I know. A couple of weeks ago?"

"Christ. You'll be okay. But what do I know? I took 70 years to get over a woman."

Peter frowned for a minute then laughed loudly. "I'm not sure that's a viable option for me."

"Maybe not. But hey, like Tony said if you're ready, then why not?" 

Peter glanced at his phone. "Can't hurt to check it I guess."

Steve smiled and wrapped an arm around Peter's shoulders, pulling him in for a hug.

Steve's hugs were the best. Peter could hardly breathe, but they were still the best.

"Err, moving in on my man, Spidey?"

Steve let go and Peter came eye to eye with Tony.

"He deserves better."

Tony's mouth gaped. "The cheek!"

Steve had to bite back a laugh. "Kids these days huh Tony?"

Peter glanced out the window again. 

"Hey, it's getting late, I'm gonna head home."

"You can stay here you know?"

He smiled at Steve but shook his head. "Thanks, but if I leave my place empty for too long someone else will move in."

Tony sighed dramatically. " _Fiiine_. Look after yourself kid, I'll call you next time we need you."

He smiled to them both, shouting a goodbye over to Bruce and Clint before heading for the doors.

Peter chose to walk for a change, having found it far easier to be deep in thought when you're not hurtling at speed towards a solid brick building. Being around Steve and Tony made him feel warm and happy, but their relationship just reminded him of what had been lacking with him and Deadpool.

He belatedly remembered just how far from the facility he lived and flagged down a cab. 

He could always charge it to Tony. 

-

"MotherFUCKER!" 

Al didn't even flinch as the front door crashed open; a strong aroma of blood filled the room as her useless flat mate entered.

"Oh joy. You're home."

"No thanks to ANYONE." A loud clunk sounded out as Wade's weapons hit the floor; she sensed him nearing her on the sofa and stuck out her hand.

"Don't even think about it."

"UGH. Fine! I don't want to sit with your moody ass anyway!"

She heard Wade stomp off through the apartment, the bathroom door slammed shut and the muffled sound of the shower followed.

"If he blocks up my shower with guts again, I am not calling the plumber."

A while later and a far fresher Wade reappeared.

"Calmed down now?"

"No." Wade answered with a whinge. 

"What's crawled up your ass and died lately? You're more insufferable than ever."

"I love you too." Wade muttered, dropping down onto the sofa with a frown. 

"Who is he?"

"The Hell are you talking about?"

Al sighed. "One of the downsides of no sight is smell is more obvious. And you were rocking up here smelling like more than yourself for weeks."

"That's the smell of sweaty man balls."

"Shit. You try and help a guy..." Al started to push herself up out of her chair and Wade groaned.

"What do you want me to say huh? That there was a guy, and he's gone now, because I fucked it all up? Does that make you feel better?"

Al sat back down. "How about you?"

Wade shrugged. "Doesn't change anything does it?"

"Well you need to sort it out. I can put up with your usual moods but right now you're pissing me off."

"It was just sex." Wade knew he was lying but if Al noticed she didn't mention it. She stood up again and reached for her stick, heading for the kitchen.

"Then get more sex."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Wade called after her. His phone landed by his feet.

"How do you do everything?"

He picked it up and sighed. "Internet it is."

Wade had spent the last hour scrolling through various hook up and get sex fast sites and chat rooms and, while plenty had given his dick a boner, his heart had remained flaccid.

Fuck. Spidey had got him good.

He’d eventually resorted to dating sites, and settled on one that didn’t appear to be too snobby.

Wade had made it onto the first page before groaning.

"Fuck it! I can't do it." He moaned as he paced around the room.

"What's so hard about it?"

"It needs a photo."

"And?"

Wade groaned. "You don't know what I'm dealing with here! I'm like a shitty animated ball-bag!" 

Al waved him off. "You've just gotta get a good angle."

"Freddie Kruger's love child doesn't _have_ a good angle!" He growled and threw his phone at the sofa, flopping down on it a moment later. 

"Well. Why not go the mysterious route?"

Wade looked up at her. "What?"

"Try to conceal your face."

Wade frowned. "Gonna need a shit ton of mystery to cover this up."

It was a terrible photo, but the website didn’t crash in horror, so Wade figured it would do. He had been scrolling through the options for about an hour, when a very cute face made him stop.

He hovered over the message button for a minute. “Well, I guess we’re already in an alternative universe, why the hell not?”

-

Peter glanced over at his phone when it beeped, he'd been getting odd matches pop up since the set up at Tony's, but nothing that really peaked his interest. But this one had him look twice. 

"I was gonna go for a cheesy chat up line, but couldn't think of one that was Gouda-nough."

Pete snorted, and clicked through to the app. The guy, Wade, had a bad photo, but he could just make out a wide smile. His profile was different entirely, full of puns and a refreshing change from all the copy and paste ones he'd read up until then.

He tapped his phone against his leg as he tried to think of a comeback, he couldn't let one as good as that go unappreciated.

"Would it be too forward to say that was Brie-liant?" 

Wade frowned as his phone buzzed, and his heart thumped as he saw the cutie he'd dared to message had replied.

Wade read the reply and smiled. "Cute and funny? That's not allowed."

He quickly tapped out. "And here's me thinking you'd want me to do 'Feta'." And dropped his phone.

Pete actually giggled, then realised he'd worn out his meager cheese jokes.

"I don't know much about cheese, but so far this conversation has been grate."

Wade couldn't believe he'd got two replies, and they were both about cheese. Okay, maybe time to move away from the cheese.

"Oh thank god, I was running out of cheese related puns, and figured it was too early to go with toilet jokes."

"Nothing wrong with toilet humour, just a bit awkward to swallow after cheese."

"I see what you did there. I approve."

Peter smiled wide, this Wade guy was quickly shaping up to be a potential. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there'll be less bad cheese jokes from now on.  
> Not less bad jokes, just not about cheese.


	4. "I'm Spider-Man and I'm a genius and I know lots of names for dogs."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool and Spidey have an awkward reunion on a new lead for the drugs squad. Wade kicks some serious ass and gains a new teammate. 
> 
> Warning: Brief mentions of past animal abuse and surgery. All present day animals are fine; and very fluffy.

Peter had spent the next week staying up late talking to Wade, so when his phone chirped happily early in the morning he grasped for it with his eyes closed and answered with a groggy, "Lo?"

"Hey, Spidey?"

"Deadpool?"

Peter tried to keep his voice neutral, but the rush of emotion he felt from hearing the Merc's voice was betraying him. 

"Yeah, hey. Um, so I got a lead on those drug guys? And I kind of, need your help."

"You've handled all the others pretty well."

"Yeah, err. This one’s a little different, it's not drugs. Well, it is drugs, but also other things."

There was the twinge Peter always got between his eyebrows when Deadpool tried to explain things.

"Other things? Like, it's not people is it?"

"Nononono. Err, its dogs."

"Dogs?"

"Yep."

No, Peter had heard that right.

"And you... don't like dogs?"

"I love dogs! I just think that my usual go in multiple guns blazing approach might not work so well this time and well, I don't want dead doggies on my conscience."

Peter sighed. "Alright, where are you, I'll come meet you."  
  


-

Peter glanced over at Deadpool, who was swinging his arms as they walked along.

"I feel like I should tell you, I err... I'm kind of talking to someone?"

"Oh. Okay."

"Is it?"

Wade shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, I've been talking to this guy too so. Yeah. Fine." He gave Spidey two thumbs up. 

"Oh. Well. Good."

"Yep!" 

Peter didn't know why he still felt uneasy, it's not that he wanted Deadpool to be upset but, he didn't seem to care at all. 

Wade sighed.

_Oh thumbs up, handling this all great! Might as well have given him the finger guns! Really show how fine I am!_

He reached for his belt before remembering he always left his phone at home. He had a sudden itch to talk to his cutie online. 

“So, anyway…” Peter started after clearing his throat. “What’s the plan?”

Wade led them down a back street until they reached what looked like an abandoned warehouse. When Peter suggested as much, Deadpool shook his head.

“I’ve been watching this place for the last week, it’s definitely here. Only spotted the dogs a couple of days ago though.”

“A week?”

“Yeah well, had a lot of spare time on my hands…”

Wade punctuated his reply with a shrug and Peter felt a twinge in his belly. He was going to leave that particular elephant un-spotted.

“Plan?” He pushed again, gently.

Wade answered after a minute. “They should be in there now, I figured we’d take your approach. Creep in all quiet like.”

“Like a-“

“-A mouse, exactly.”

Peter laughed softly as Deadpool gave the Spider on his chest a quick pat, then followed the Merc over to the doors.

Once inside they realised the set up was far bigger than either of them had been expecting.

“Oh man.” Peter muttered softly as he saw the rows of cages, each containing at least two dogs, all kept in terrible conditions. A skinny pup whined at him and Peter’s heart ached.

“Hey, how’s your stomach?”

He looked up as Wade’s voice sounded out from nearby.

“My stomach? What are you talking about?”

Wade was standing deeper inside the warehouse staring at a table. It was littered with filthy medical tools and had a heavy coating of blood and god knows what else. It was becoming increasingly clear how they were using the pups to smuggle the drugs. Wade was pissed.

“Just, you don’t see as much guts as me, I don’t know if it’s too much.”

Peter rounded the corner just behind Deadpool. “I’ve seen you carve up people bef- Oh Christ.”

Wade spun on his heel to see Spidey stood with his hand over his mouth, head tilted towards the floor. Wade closed the small gap between them and held onto Spider-Man’s shoulders.

“Webs? You good?”

Peter only had time to nod, as voices echoed in the warehouse.

“Time to put down some assholes.”

“Usually I’d argue with you but, yeah. Ruin them.”

Any other time that would’ve turned Wade on like crazy. And, okay it still had a bit, but rage had the dibs on his impulses, and he was ready to go.

They tracked the voices to an upstairs office, and crept up the staircase to linger out the door. Peter, with his heightened hearing, hid under the window and signaled over to Deadpool, holding up both hands.

Wade held up one finger in response, and pulled out a gun. He stood next to the door and took a deep breath, before kicking it in.

“Well well! If it isn’t Assholes Anonymous! I thought I told you guys to keep me in the loop!”

Half a dozen guns were instantly trained on him and Peter was at his back in a flash, shooting a web in one guy’s face as he strung up two guns and tugged them from the goon’s hands.

Shouts bounced around the small office as the gang went on the offensive, Wade heard the distant cries of the dogs and tucked away his gun, instead grabbing his swords.

“You fuckers have been very bad boys!”

The next five minutes went past in a blur. Peter had made a swift exit after the blood started gushing, and was perched on the stairs keeping a look out. Deadpool easily had the upper hand, but if he was taking a little longer than usual to put the bad guys out of their misery, then it was nothing more than they deserved.

He stumbled back out on the balcony and lent heavily on the guard rail. Spidey peeked up at him and his insides twisted again.

He was used to seeing Deadpool wounded, or covered in his own or other people’s blood, but this was different.

“D? You okay?” Peter asked softly as he got to his feet. Wade raised his head and nodded.

“Fucking… dogs, man.”

“I know, Bud.”

They looked out over the warehouse, there were dozens of cages, and countless pups inside them.

“We need to get people in for this, I’ll call the cops.” Peter made for the office but Wade grabbed his arm.

“You err, don’t want to go in there. I’ll call. You go start sorting the poochies.”

“I-okay then. Be nice alright?”

Wade smiled. “I’m always nice!”

He returned to the office and casually stepped over the various bodies until he reached a phone, dialing for the police.

Peter was back down with the cages and sighed as the dogs cowered away from him. He crouched down to two and poked his fingers through the bars. Lifting his mask up to his nose he smiled at them.

“Hey buddies, it’s okay. We’re not gonna hurt you.”

The bigger of the two crept slowly to the cage door, sniffing warily at Peter’s gloved fingers, before rubbing his face over them.

“Good boy.”

“They’re on their way, you gonna let those guys out?”

Peter glanced up at Deadpool. “I was gonna let the dog squad handle that.”

“Oh sure we could…” Wade not so casually swung his sword, whistling as it connected with the lock and broke it off. “Oh whoops.”

“Hey!” Peter started, until the two shy pups padded slowly out of the cage.

“See? Perfectly fine.” He petted the bigger dog between it’s ears. “Happier already!”

"Maybe I should get a dog."

Peter glanced over at Deadpool, who was crouched on the floor patting one of the 'rescuees' as he'd named them. Peter recognised it as one of the group Deadpool had managed to free before the professionals had turned up and berated him for it.

"Could call it Dogpool. Get it a little suit."

"I think that counts as animal abuse."

"Don't you listen to him Dogpool, he's a grumpy Spider."

Peter turned his attention to the cop that had approached them. "We need to check in all the animals."

"I'm keeping this one."

"D, are you serious?"

Wade stood up straight; the pup sat next to him and stared at him. 

"Yes? What, you think I'm not responsible enough?"

"I think you're a lot of things, yeah."

"That hurts me Webs, hurts me inside."

The cop cleared his throat. "It still needs to be checked out. If they put anything in it-"

Wade waved him off. "Yeah, yeah I know. Major internal bleeding, I'm familiar with it. Just add one extra onto your paperwork.”

The cop side-eyed a glance to Spider-Man, who just shrugged in return.

"Make sure he gets that checked out."

"Of course, thanks officer." Peter watched the cop walk out of ear shot before adding. "Why does everyone think you listen to me?"

Wade was back on his knees again, rubbing the dog's belly. "Dunno, must be the matching suits. Do you want a matching suit DogP? Do you?!"

"Are you actually calling him Dogpool?"

"Can you think of anything better?"

"Oh you know, like a thousand things."

"Pft." Wade stood, scooping the dog up into his arms. "I'm Spider-Man and I'm a genius and I know lots of names for dogs."

"Are you, mimicking me through the dog?"

Wade dropped his paws. "No..." 

Peter smiled at them both for a minute, and then remembered their new arrangement. 

"Right. I better, I should be going."

Wade shifted Dogpool round until the pup's head was on his shoulder. 

"Yeah. Alright."

"Are... um, give me a call, alright?" 

"I will."

Peter gave Deadpool's arm a quick squeeze, ruffling the dog's fur.

"I'll see you around, Family Pools."

"Yeah. See ya Spidey." Wade stood watching him leave until Dogpool butted his head. "Oh yeah! C’mon DogP, let's go home. Al's gonna love you! Once... she realises you're there."


	5. "Hot and Spicy"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finally asks Wade on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this makes you hungry. It was written in a time when restaurants were still a thing. ♥
> 
> Edited for embarrassing TMNT knowledge

Chapter 5

Peter had been talking to Wade for a couple of weeks now, and as great and constant as their text-flirting had been, there had been no hint of Wade wanting it to go further.

But then Peter hadn’t tried to move it along either.

He needed help, and called the only person he could think of.

Tony moaned as Steve pulled him closer on the bed, trapping him between his legs as he rocked their groins together.

"Fuck-"

"Language."

Tony growled softly, biting at Steve's bottom lip. "Shut me up then."

Steve smirked and slammed a bruising kiss to Tony's lips.

Their moans were muffled as Steve pulled him impossibly close, a hand slipped down between their legs and-

The jaunty yet patriotic notes of Steve's ringtone sounded out and Steve slowed.

"Dont. You. Dare."

Steve pulled away from Tony. "It might be someone who needs help."

"Then they'll sound the alarm. C'mere."

Steve slapped Tony's hands away. "Remind me, who did an entire video conference while I was between his legs?"

"God I hope that was me. And, excuse me, but I pulled that off like a boss."

Steve rolled his eyes and reached for his phone off the bedside table.

"It's Pete."

It was Tony's turn to roll his eyes but he conceded. "Fine, don't be long."

Steve smiled brightly at him and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Steve? Um I'm not interrupting you am I?"

Steve caught Tony's eye as he stood from the bed. "Interrupting me? No, I wasn't busy."

Tony's mouth gaped and Steve pushed his knuckles against his lips to stifle his laughter.

"Oh, good..."

"What's wrong Pete?"

"I err, I was wondering if I could get some more advice?"

"Is this to do with the dating thing?"

Tony was now perched on the edge of the bed tapping away at his iPad as ever, but he raised his head to Steve at the mention of the dating site.

"Yeah, kinda? I mean, I've been talking to someone on there."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah, he's lovely, it's just... I hung out with the other guy again today and now I don't know what to do. He said he's seeing someone else now too but-"

Peter groaned. How did his life reach the point where he was explaining his sex life to Captain America? He was sat out on his fire escape, legs dangling over the edge as he nursed a coffee.

"Well, surely that's enough of a reason to pursue this new guy."

"Wade." Peter said before realising.

"His name's Wade? Well. At least you've got this one's name."

Peter laughed softly. "Hah, yeah. Do you think I should like, meet up with him or something?"

"Maybe? I don't think you can judge anything until you do." Steve glanced over at Tony who had shifted on the bed, and was sat cross legged and staring at him. He tapped his bare wrist and Steve pulled a face.

"Okay. Yeah, I will. Thanks Steve! I'll let you get back to Tony now."

Steve felt his cheeks heat up. "Yeah, thanks for that Peter." He heard a giggle on the other end. "I'm hanging up now."

"Hah, good night Steve."

"Night Pete."

Steve dropped his phone back on the table, turning back he found Tony creeping into his lap.

"Who's making my boy blush? That's my job."

"It's Peter again."

"I gotta have a word with that Spider."

Steve laughed and wrapped his arms around Tony's neck, pecking a kiss to his lips he softly added. "Can it wait?"

His head hitting the pillow as Tony pinned him to the bed was all the answer he needed.

  
  
The previous night had been rough on Wade. He’d lost both his arms below the elbow, and had a pretty nasty and gaping shot go through his shoulder. He’d healed up fine, but figured he deserved a day off from losing limbs.  
  
So here he was lying on the sofa, legs bent at the knee, furiously texting back to Peter, who was being his usual adorable self.

  
  
"Al.... that better not be your face breathing hot air all over my junk."  
  
"Go fuck yourself."

  
  
Wade grinned and dropped his phone. 

  
  
"DogPool!"

  
  
He laughed at the pup trying to squeeze through his legs and opened them, gaining himself a lap full of dog as a reward. 

  
  
"I forgot we had you." He said fondly, rubbing the dog's ears.  
  
"He shit on the rug." 

"Well if you'd stop doing it he'd stop copying you."

  
  
Dogpool punctuated his sentence with a woof, and Wade laughed harder.

  
  
"I hate you both." 

  
  
After he'd finally wrestled Dogpool down to lying on his stomach and retrieved his phone, his heart thumped hard.

  
  
- _So, do you fancy meeting up?_

  
  
Peter stared at his phone for a full minute before flipping out. Literally.  
  
He'd managed to spring himself across the room and was now stuck upside down to his wall. 

  
  
"Oh my god. Why did I say that? I should've just waited for him. What if he ghosts me now? Is that even what ghosting is? I just heard someone say it in the sandwich place the other day. Oh God Wade come on!"

  
  
"Oh shit."  
  
"You clean it up."  
  
"No not the dog! Peter."  
  
"What's he done?"  
  
Wade stared at his phone. "He wants to meet up."  
  
"Ain't that usually a good thing?"  
  
"Well I can't very well keep up the mystery in public can I? Sit in a dark room in a hoodie and shades all night."  
  
"How about make up?"  
  
"I don't think they make enough." He rubbed DogP's ears softly. "Maybe it's time to be honest."

  
  
Peter was hanging off the ceiling by his feet when his phone beeped. The crash when he fell was pretty loud. He jumped up and scrambled for his phone.

  
  
- _That would great, I feel I need to tell you something first though._

  
  
He's got a girlfriend. He's got a husband. He's got... three heads? Honestly nothing would surprise him anymore.   


- _Oh yeah?_

  
Wade took a deep breath. 

  
  
_-I have a skin problem. I had a bad reaction to something a few years ago and it's left me pretty fucked up. I just wanted you to know before you see me in person._

  
  
Oh. Peter read the message again, he wasn't expecting that.  
  
Wade however had abandoned his phone in favour of burying his face in DogP's fur.

  
  
"You don't care that I look like shit, do you?" DogP licked his cheek. "Good boy."

  
  
Wade heard a faint beep and felt around on the sofa until he found his phone under DogP's butt. 

  
  
"Thanks dog." He scanned over the message and released the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding.

  
  
_-Oh right, well, I wasn't chatting up your face :) Where do you fancy going?_  
  
-  
  
Two nights, and a lot of 'shooting the wall in fits of anxiety' later, and Wade was sat in his favourite diner down near Queens.  
  
He'd forgone the hoodie but still had a cap on, pulled just low enough that his face was partially covered, but not in a creepy way. The waitress had come over and given him a sympathetic smile as she fetched his drink. He'd rather she'd recoiled all ‘Phantom of the Opera’ style, pity made him sick.  
  
The other big thing making him feel sick was sheer panic. Wade had gone over hundreds of scenarios in his head of Peter's reaction when he sees him, and none of them were good. He took a big gulp of his soda, wishing it was something stronger; when the diner door opened. 

  
  
The guy now standing scanning the diner was shorter than he'd imagined, but Wade recognised Peter instantly.   
  
And, oh god, he was even cuter in real life. Wade wondered what his chances of bailing were; would the kid notice if he just faked a heart attack right now and rolled under the table? He wouldn't recognise him because of the photo-

  
  
"Wade?"

  
  
Except Wade had told him where he was sitting. Shit.

  
  
"Hi, Peter."

  
  
Peter smiled and flopped down into the booth. Wade was rather glad they weren't being polite because after that smile he wasn't sure he could stand. 

  
  
"Have you been here long?" Peter asked as he wriggled out of his coat.   
  
"No, no... Not long."

  
  
Peter looked up as the waitress came over.

  
  
"Oh, hi! Yeah can I get... a strawberry milkshake? But can you put a shot of vanilla syrup in it and mush it all up please? Thanks."  
  
He glanced back over at Wade, "sorry, I have a sweet tooth."

  
  
_You've got a sweet everything_ , is what Wade wanted to say, but instead he went with:

  
  
"Don't be sorry, you're making my soda look pretty lousy though."  
  
"Oh don't worry I'll be joining you soon, any more than one of those and I'll be bouncing off the walls."  
  
Wade smiled. "So... extra syrupy pancakes are off the menu?"  
  
Peter's eyes widened. "Oh my god. You're gonna make me hyper, I won't shut up."  
  
"That's completely fine by me."

  
  
Peter's smile was wide, and as the waitress came back with his milkshake he ordered the pancakes, with extra extra syrup. 

  
  
"Soo..." Peter tapped on the table then sighed. "I'm sorry; I haven't really been on many dates..."  
  
"Me either since- not for a few years."  
  
Peter watched him for a minute, then held his hands out. "Okay. Do you want me to not go there or, just ask you outright?"

  
  
Wade took a deep breath. Talking about it was one thing, skirting around the whole " _mutant superpowers_ " part was quite another. "No, might as well get it over with. I err, had Cancer."  
  
"Oh, shit."  
  
"Yeah, the worst shit. They figured it was incurable but then these experimental drugs came up. Long story short, no more cancer but pepperoni pizza skin as the pay off."  
  
"Damn."

  
  
Wade watched Peter as he took it all in.

  
  
"Well... gotta say, I'm glad we're not having pizza. Hey Wade? What's your favourite pizza?"

  
  
Wade grinned, relief flooding his body. Jesus, Peter was perfect.   
  
He, unfortunately, didn't get to answer the all-important pizza question, as their food turned up. Peter stared with glee at his pile of fluffy thick pancakes, he reached for the jug of syrup but Wade slapped his hand away.

  
  
"Hey Sugar, that's to share."  
  
"Did you get Pancakes t- oh my god what is that?"  
  
Wade glanced down at his plate. "Fried chicken and Waffles?"  
  
"I didn't know you could get that!"  
  
"Well Peter, honey, most people look at the menu and don't order the first thing they hear."  
  
"Well I like syrup..." Peter watched as Wade poured it over his waffles.   
  
"That chicken looks good."  
  
"It is." Wade replied through a bite.

  
  
Peter set about drowning his dinner, chewing on a soggy pancake.

  
  
"Looks so good..."  


  
Wade rolled his eyes at Peter's puppy eyes, but held out his fork. "Want to try?"  
  
The fork was almost snatched out of his hand, Wade watched as Peter popped the chicken in his mouth. The resulting noises would haunt Wade's dreams for weeks. 

  
"Oh my god. That's so good, we're coming here again."

  
  
Wade blinked, unsure if Peter was even aware of what he'd said as he passed Wade's fork back and returned to tearing through his pancakes.   
  
But hey, if there was a chance of a second date with this adorable ball of energy Wade wasn't about to risk it. 

  
  
A while later, and after an animated talk about pets they had as kids, Peter had a turtle named Mikey, because that was his favourite ninja turtle. Then another conversation about why Wade preferred Leonardo, "he had swords, Pete!" They had finished their food and Wade was now starting to understand exactly why Peter shouldn't have had so much sugar.  
  
Peter glanced up halfway through a sentence and saw Wade watching him quietly.

  
  
"Err... sorry." Peter grinned sheepishly.   
  
"Sugar?"  
  
He shrugged. "I did warn you."  
  
"That you did." Wade smiled. "You want to go walk some of it off?"  
  
"Sure!" Peter jumped up then paused and pointed at the bill. "Oh, we didn't split that, we should probably pay that."

  
  
Wade dug out his wallet and dropped some notes down on the plate. He waved a hand as Peter made to protest. "You can get the next one?"  
  
"It's a date."  
  
Wade peered at him as they left the diner. "Is it?"  
  
Peter pulled his coat closer. "You don't fancy it?"  
  
"Oh I do. I fancy it a lot."  
  
Peter grinned. "Then it is." 

  
The two strolled around Queens for another hour, until Peter started to yawn.

  
  
"A guy could take offence, you know."  
  
"I’m sorry. I think the high's wearing off."  
  
"Home time, then?"  
  
"Would you mind?"  
  
Wade smiled. "Well, I was enjoying the adorable company but, I suppose I'll cope."  
  
Peter almost blushed, and turned to face Wade. "I guess it's goodnight then."  
  
Wade smiled, "I guess so."

  
  
Peter leaned in and wrapped Wade up in a hug. Wade squeezed his hips for a second, and tilted his head when Peter pulled back. 

  
  
"I think we can do better than that?"

  
  
Peter frowned for a moment, Wade touched a hand to his cheek and the confusion vanished. Wade pulled Peter closer by his hip, and placed a simple kiss on his lips. Peter's arms returned to Wade's neck and he held him close.   
  
They broke apart after a minute, and the smile on Peter's lips gave Wade a rush. 

  
  
He cleared his throat as he realised he was staring. "So, err. I better let you go. Still on for chicken and waffles?"  
  
Peter grinned. "God, yes."

  
  
Peter had been home for about an hour and was lying in bed when his phone beeped. He smiled at Wade's name but frowned when he read the text.  
  
'Hot and Spicy'  
  
'???'  
  
'My favourite pizza'


	6. I dress up in red and blue Spandex and fight crime!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finally gets his waffles. Wade gets lost in his feelings. Dogpool is also there.

Wade fell into his house, pulled off his mask and shut the door with a triumphant kick.

The sun was shining, he had a second date with Peter that night, and he’d even had time to squeeze in a quick mercenary job. Yep, life was good.

So why was the room starting to spin? And had the back of his head been throbbing like that the whole time? Wade swiped his hand over it and held it in front of his eyes. He just managed to make out blood before his vision went all together.

“Oh fu-“

Wade died.

He came to about twenty minutes later, Dogpool was licking his face and whined as Wade blearily opened his eyes.

“Ah. Not blind, good start.”

He made to sit up and the room spun again.

“Woah… Brain damage maybe? Hard to tell with this brain.”

He lay back on the floor and did a mental scan of his body. All his limbs twitched in response and his organs seemed to be working normally.

“Oh wait did I get stabbed? Shit, I got stabbed. That explains a lot.”

Dogpool watched him with a tilted head.

“First rule of being stabbed, Dog. Remember you’ve been stabbed.”

He tried to sit up again, slower this time, and managed to get upright without puking his guts up everywhere. Progress.

“Second rule of Stab Club is, we don’t talk about Stab Club.”

He chuckled, but frowned as DP just continued to stare at him.

“Pft. Peter would’ve found it funny. Oh shit! Peter!”

Wade searched around for his phone, spotting it on the table just out of reach.

“Dog! Fetch!”

Dogpool sat still.

“Why do I have you? Ugh.”

Wade fell forward onto his hands and dragged himself across the room, the room that wasn’t spinning as much anymore. Win number two for healing powers.

He checked the time and swore loudly, tapping out a quick message to Peter.

- _Real sorry! Had a problem with work, will be with you asap! Sorry sorry!! X_

With that he collapsed back on the floor.

“I wonder how much brain damage is safe to exist on?”

Dogpool whined.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Peter had just made it to the diner when he checked the new message. He sighed and went in anyway, ordering a milkshake.

“Might as well get some sugar while I wait.”

It took Wade another ten minutes to get to his feet, seven to wriggle out of his suit and into jeans, and another five until he was sure the back of his head had healed up enough that he didn’t have to worry about an unexpected bleeding incident through his cap.

He made it to the diner twenty minutes late, and was full of apologies from the second he flopped into the booth.

Peter had looked relieved to see him and waved away his sorries.

“Was starting to think you’d bailed on me.”

“Why would I ever do that?”

Wade paused as a drink was plopped down in front of him, the waitress smiled brightly to Peter who flushed slightly in response.

“… Do you want me to leave you two alone?” Wade asked after she’d gone. Peter rolled his eyes but smiled.

“She thought you’d bailed too. Told me she’d hold your stuff back until you turned up.”

“Ah… Sorry.”

Peter shrugged. “Proved her wrong. Oh yeah, I ordered for you. Figured you still wanted the waffles?”

Wade grinned. “Well it is my favourite.”

The waitress returned shortly with two plates piled high with chicken and waffles, then once more with a jug full of syrup. Peter’s mouth watered.

“Baby if you don’t pop those eyes back in your head you’re gonna have a problem.”

Peter paused, Wade hadn’t called him baby before. It took him half a second to decide he was completely okay with it.

“Hah, sorry. It just looks so good.”

“Well it tastes even better, so eat up.”

Peter didn’t need to be told twice.

“So, what do you do for work?”

Wade chewed a piece of chicken for far longer than necessary as he tried to work out how exactly to word ‘I kill people for money’ without saying the k-word.

“I err, I’m a contract worker. Pretty much whatever people give me, I’ll do.”

“So you’re freelance?”

“Yeah exactly, freelance.”

Freelance people chopper-upper.

“How about you?”

_I dress up in red and blue Spandex and fight crime!_ Peter inwardly groaned. Maybe best to leave out the whole gaining super powers from a Spider thing for now.

Or forever.

“Oh, just odd jobs since I finished college. I was a pretty ace pizza delivery boy for a while though.”

Peter could deliver Wade’s pizza any day.

“Oh really? I wonder if you ever delivered one to me. Though it would’ve been before the half cooked, angry crocodile years.” He waved a hand over his person and Peter giggled, then caught himself.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Self-depreciating humour is my greatest gift.”

“I never know whether to take you seriously or not.”

“The standard answer is no. Unless I’m naked, then no laughing please.”

Peter howled.

Wade grinned, he could listen to that laugh for days.

He flagged down the waitress and ordered more drinks, changing his to a beer. He took a sip when they arrived then remembered what they were talking about.

“Oh yeah. What did you do at College?”

Peter smiled. “Science stuff? Physics, to be more precise.”

“So you’re like, super smart?”

Peter looked away with a shrug, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

“I don’t know about that. Just always been good at Science.”

Wade watched as Peter carried on tucking through his food, mind wandering as the other man drowned his waffles in more syrup.

Huh, science. Spider-Man was a pretty good at science stuff too. Thinking about it, Peter was about Spidey’s build and-no. Wade was stopping that train of thought right there. He couldn’t go fantasizing about his old Spider flame; that was in the past. Peter was the present, and he was very present; and looking rather lovely. Wade shrugged the weird feeling off, trust him to fall for two science nerds. 

For someone with a rather slim, and lovely, figure, it hadn’t taken Peter long to polish off his food. He’d even finished off some of Wade’s, after pouting sadly at his empty plate.

Wade hoped Peter hadn’t noticed how easy that had worked on him.

Peter smirked as he popped the chicken into his mouth. He was going to use that pout mercilessly.

Soon enough Wade’s plate was empty too, he sat back with a heavy sigh.

“You okay over there?”

“I’m so full. You might need to roll me out of here.”

Peter giggled again. “Same. We’ll be like Tuck and Roll.”

Wade frowned. It wasn’t often a reference escaped him.

“Tuck and Roll?”

“Yeah? You know the little woodlice things from Bugs Life.”

“Oh, yeah the ‘ta da!’ guys?”

“Yeah!”

“Shit I haven’t seen Bugs Life in years.”

“It’s a good movie, unappreciated. Possibly even better than Toy Story.”

“Woah now.”

Peter grinned. “I’m kidding. I’m a Woody boy all the way.”

_I bet you are._

“I liked the aliens.”

Peter laughed hard. “Of course you did, Wade.”

They looked up as their waitress, Cindy from what Peter could see on her name badge, came back with the bill. Wade reached for it but Peter smacked his hand away with a sharp, “That wasn’t the deal.” And paid for them both.

They exited the diner and strolled down the street.

“Cindy.”

“Excuse me?”

“That was her name, the waitress. That’s a proper classic waitress name.”

“Yeah. Like… Betsy. Or Dana.”

“Or Mindy. She’d have curly red hair and call everyone Hun.”

Wade snorted as Peter put his hand on his hip and mimed pouring coffee. “You good there, Hun? Top up Hun?”

“Cream’s extra, Hun.”

“You know her too! Ah, Mindy.”

Wade had tears from laughing.

“Jesus Pete. First you make obscure kid’s movie references and now you’re a hardened but lovable diner waitress. Could you get any more perfect?”

Peter grinned. “I was gonna say something super cool and smooth then but, I don’t think I’m able to pull that off.”

“Give it a try?”

“Alright.” Peter made a show of preparing himself. “Say what you said again?”

Wade smirked. “Could you get any more perfect?”

“I don’t know, I could be you?”

Wade almost swooned.

“Yeah, okay. I’m gonna need to kiss you. Right now.”

Peter didn’t argue, he pulled Wade into a nearby doorway and wrapped his arms round his shoulders. Wade found his mouth a second later. The kiss this time was nothing like their first, both being more confident with each other, it soon heated up.

Wade had Peter pressed back against the small wall next to the doors, Peter’s arms were tight around Wade’s neck, his legs were parted to accommodate the other man and he was slightly tip-toed to get as close to Wade as possible. The kiss was sending bolts of arousal through them both, and they shared a thought of long it had been since either of them had got laid, but remained unaware that it had been together.

Wade’s hands were holding firm at Peter’s hips, but he desperately wanted to tuck them back behind Peter and give that rather fantastic ass a squeeze. He also desperately needed to breathe, and sadly pulled away.

“Fuck, Petey…” He gasped, gulping in a lung full of air.

“Uhuh…” Peter wasn’t faring much better. He was breathing hard and his head was tipped back against the wall, his lips parted to help refill his lungs. Lips that were now looking rather pouty… Wade had a flashback to him and Spidey’s last dalliance in the alley way and his heart thumped hard.

He squeezed his eyes shut to try and erase the image of Spidey’s head on his shoulder, opening them he saw Peter watching him quietly.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry, yeah. I’m fine.”

Peter went to reply and instead yawned widely.

“Whoops.”

Wade smiled. “You can’t just keep yawning to get out of dates with me you know.”

Peter grinned and Wade was silently relieved that it had allowed the awkward moment to pass away.

“I promise it’s nothing personal.”

“Sure, sure.”

Peter swayed closer to Wade. “You must just wear me out.”

Wade smirked. “Baby, I could make you much better than sleepy.”

“Is that a promise?”

“It’s a guarantee.”

Peter grinned and allowed Wade to pull him into another kiss, this time slower but with no less feeling. Peter let his head fall to Wade’s shoulder as they parted and Wade gave him a gentle squeeze.

“You good?”

“Mhm.”

_I don’t want you to go_ _,_ was what Peter really wanted to say. But he didn’t want to seem needy. He’d expected too much from Deadpool, and still feared that Wade would change his mind about them.

“Want to go home?”

“I guess I probably should.”

Wade held onto him for a moment longer.

“Okay. I’m gonna let go now. If you fall and face-plant the floor then, I can’t be held responsible.”

Peter giggled softly but stood back upright. “Okay, a guy can take a hint.”

He gave Wade one more kiss before stepping out of the doorway.

“Which way do you have to go?”

Wade pointed back in the direction of the diner. “You?”

Peter smiled and gestured in the opposite direction.

“Of course. Well, thanks for dinner.”

“Hah. Thanks for the company.” Peter paused, then added softly, “See you soon?”

“God, definitely.”

Peter was going to live off the rush that gave him for days. The two bid goodbye and headed off home.

Later, when Peter was lying down on his bed he frowned, and grabbed his phone.

- _‘Is that a promise? / it’s a guarantee’ is that from a movie? x_

Wade read the message and smirked.

_Like 90% of my lines are, Petey. Get used to it. x_

That night, Wade couldn’t sleep. His mind was too full of Peter, and not in the super sexy way he’d expected after that kiss. Wade sighed and pushed himself up in bed. The more he thought about it, the more Peter reminded him of Spider-Man. From his build to his personality, little aspects of him started to niggle away at his brain, Wade rubbed at his eyes.

And that mouth! The flood of familiarity Wade had felt when he saw that pout tipped up in the air was shocking.

No. There was no way that Peter was Spider-Man.

Though it would mean Wade had just got to play tongue hockey with his joint-favourite superhero…

No! He’d already screwed his joint-favourite superhero! Peter was not Spider-Man. Peter was a cute and funny, normal guy who for some reason was into Wade.

Wade sighed again. He really needed to get over Spidey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'is that a promise? / It's a guarantee' is from the Johnny Depp film Chocolat when he promises that hanging out with his gang of river pirates will bring her trouble.
> 
> Yes I am an old person for remembering that movie. Thanks.


	7. “You know you can’t technically kill Flubber right?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cute PG pizza date in a dog park hots up faster than one of the boys is prepared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter are quite short so I'll put the next one up in a couple of days before ramping up to the end of this baby. ♥

A week after the waffles date, Peter was at the Avengers facility tucked away in Tony’s lab. He was supposed to be helping test a new formula for his web solution but well, Steve had turned up and had instantly convinced Tony to leave.

Luckily Bruce had followed the Captain down and had given Peter enough of a distraction from the very not manly sniggering going on behind Tony’s suits.

Bruce was arms deep in some of the left over goo from the latest bursting monster attack when his phone beeped. He ignored it, and the next two that followed.

“Do you need to get that?”

Bruce shrugged.

“I can get you a towel?” Peter started searching around him.

“It’s… I’ll deal with it later.” Bruce pulled his arms free and his nose wrinkled at the sight of the bright green goo clinging to his skin.

“Huh. It’s like… it’s got its own mind.”  
  


“Peter don’t you-“

“Oh my God it’s Flubber.”

Bruce would’ve slapped his forehead in despair. If he wasn’t mildly concerned about getting the gunk near his eyes.

Peter watched as Bruce dropped his arms down on a towel, _that’s where it went!_ And waited until he’d scraped most of the gunk from his skin before grabbing his shoulder.

“Bruce be honest with me, have we been killing Flubber?”

“It’s some kind of alien foreign body Peter, Flubber’s not-“

He glanced up at Peter’s wide eyes and sighed. “No. We haven’t been killing Flubber.”

“Phew! That’s one death I don’t want on my conscience.”

Bruce’s phone beeped again before he could reply and Peter raised an eyebrow.

“Someone’s keen.”

Bruce almost blushed, flushing his phone from his pocket. “I err, yeah….”

“Dating site’s working out then?”

Bruce glanced up at him. “Don’t tell Tony?”

Peter grinned. “Your secret’s safe with me. Speaking of which, how long do they want to be gone?”

Bruce just shrugged, texting back the mystery woman with a small smile tugging on his mouth. Peter found himself smiling too, though it did put his mind back on Wade, not that it was ever really off him. Peter glanced at his own phone but Wade hadn’t contacted him. He watched Bruce for a moment more before standing with a sigh.

“I have to go, tell Team Gross over there I said bye.”

Bruce frowned for a moment before grinning. “Shall do.”

Peter gave his shoulder a squeeze and grabbed his things, heading for the door.

“Oh Pete?”

He turned to see Bruce watching him. “You know you can’t technically kill Flubber right? Like at best he’ll just break up into smaller Flubbers.”

Peter laughed. “I did not, thanks Bruce.”

Wade entered his house with a huge sigh, dropping his weapons on the floor.

"Ah! No!" Dogpool pounced on him and was wrestled down. "I'm covered in blood, dog!" 

A routine mercenary job had wrong, there was double the amount of bad guys than Wade had accounted for, and there had been a lot of guns. He peered at the hole in his arm that was half healed over.

"I need a shower."

He'd just stepped in when his phone rang out. A soapy hand searched for it, and he peered at the screen.

-Hey! Fancy pizza? X

Wade had never showered faster in his life. 

He was just wriggling into his jeans when he noticed the wound on his arm. It was mostly closed up but still looked nasty. Hopefully Petey wouldn't want to get too frisky and he could keep his hoodie on. 

He was about to leave the house when someone whined at his feet. He turned to see Dogpool staring up at him. 

"Oh don't do the eyes. Look, if there’s even the remotest chance that the whole ‘He’s secretly Spidey’ thing is true, I can’t take you, he'll recognise you."

Dogpool dropped his head and Wade crouched to give him a fuss. "I know Bud, I'll take you out with me tomorrow, I promise."

-

Peter had told Wade to meet him in the park, and as Wade entered the gates and saw various pups running around with their owners, he felt doubly guilty about DP. He was gonna owe that dog a lot of treats.

He spotted Peter five minutes later, sat on a picnic bench a little way from the dog park, with two boxes and some sodas in front of him. The guilty ache he'd had was replaced by the silly, fluffy, fluttering feeling he now got whenever he saw Peter, like some love struck teenager. 

"A gorgeous guy with pizza? Must be my lucky day!"

"Oh, hi!" He shuffled over to let Wade sit down. "I was watching the dogs."

"I could tell, nothing like food with a view."

Peter slid a box over to Wade and smiled. 

"Speaking of which, here you go, one Hot and Spicy pizza."

As if Peter wasn't perfect enough, now he had remembered his favourite pizza. Yep, Wade was in love.

"You remembered." Wade said, clutching dramatically at his chest. Peter snorted and pushed him gently. 

"Shut up. Eat your food." 

He silently passed over a Cola and shrugged at Wade's raised eyebrow. "Can't have beer in the park."

"Goodie two shoes."

Peter just smirked, and bit into his pizza.

-

“I wish I could get a dog.”

Wade looked over at Peter, who was chewing on a crust and gazing wistfully at a rather fluffy and energetic Retriever that was living up to his name, having just caught a Frisbee with a pretty spectacular jump.

“Why can’t you?”

“Landlord won’t allow pets.”

“You know you don’t have to tell them right? You’d be surprised at how well you can disguise an animal.”

Peter glanced over at Wade. “See now I’m both intrigued and concerned.”

Wade laughed. “Once had a really convincing Iguana statue.”

Peter dropped his crust. “Now that’s cheating. Lizards don’t move for days. Now if you said you had like…” Peter thought hard. “…a pet… goat! Or something. Then I’d be really impressed.”

Wade cocked an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? How impressed?”

Peter smirked, shuffling closer on the bench he placed a hand on Wade’s thigh. “Like, really impressed.”

“Shit. Now I really wish I owned a goat.”

“We could pretend you did?”

“I’m down for that.”

Wade looked around them and smirked, taking hold of Peter’s hand he gave a quick tug. 

“C’mon.”

“Toilets? Really?”

Wade pushed Peter inside a cubicle and locked the door.

“Got any better ideas?”

Peter opened his mouth to argue. Then promptly closed it. No, he hadn’t. He could however think of far better things his mouth could be doing.

To prove his point he leaned up and kissed Wade firmly. Wade responded immediately, deepening the kiss as he took hold of Peter’s hips and backed him up against the wall.

Peter wrapped his arms around Wade’s shoulders, spreading his legs for Wade to get closer in a move that was becoming more familiar each time. Wade’s thumbs had found their way beneath Peter’s shirt, and were rubbing soft circles over even softer skin.

Wade shifted and Peter’s groin pressed down on his leg, Peter moaned quietly against his lips and Wade gave his hips a squeeze. Wade could feel Peter growing hard against his thigh, his own groin throbbed in reply and he had a sudden rush of panic.

“No, sorry… stop, I. I can’t.”

“What?” Peter’s eyes were wide and a frown was starting to form above them. Wade had taken a step back from him.

“Pete, shit. It’s not, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

“What did I do wrong?” Peter’s voice was quiet; it made Wade’s stomach ache.

“Jesus, nothing.” Wade sighed horribly and rubbed a hand over his face. Peter’s expression had turned concerned, and Wade felt awful.

“It’s… this thing I have? It’s everywhere. It covers all of me. And I just, not many people have seen it and I suddenly had this image of us totally naked and I…”

“You think I’ll bail?”

“No! Well, maybe. I’d hope not.”

Peter slowly closed the gap between them, careful not to spook Wade anymore.

“I’m not going anywhere, Wade.”

“No? Well that’s good. I quite like having you around.”

Peter smiled. “Me too. And I don’t mind waiting for, you know.”

“Us to bang?”

Peter laughed. “Exactly.”

“I’m not usually this freaked out I promise. I just wasn’t expecting this to happen today.”

“Me either.” Peter replied honestly. “Especially not in a toilet.”

Wade smiled and Peter tested the waters, leaning forward slightly he was rewarded as Wade pecked a kiss to his lips.

They kissed gently for a minute before Wade pulled back. “Would you mind if we called it a night?”

Peter shook his head. “Nah. We’ve had pizza, a bit of a make out session and looked at dogs. I dunno how we could top that.” He punctuated his sentence with a blindingly cheeky grin and Wade’s stomach did a happy flop.

He smirked and kissed the grin off of his face. “Peter Parker. You are perfect.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also Flubber rules. Do Not @ Me.
> 
> Unless it is to talk about how much Flubber rules.


	8. "He's a sucker for tasty meat."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Wade make a rare return to their alter-egos and stop a mugging, causing a soon to be monumental shift in their relationships.
> 
> Also Dogpool is there. So what else matters?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So work are saying I have to go back now to continue earning money? Sounds made up to me but it may make upload times later in the day depending on shifts.

Chapter 8

Peter was crouched on the edge of a roof in full Spidey gear, casually surveying the city. It was quiet but he'd promised himself he'd spend a whole night out. Between dates with Wade and the gang stuff with Deadpool, he hadn’t had much time for some good old fashioned Spider-Man’ing.

He spotted something that looked familiar and smiled, swinging down to the sidewalk just behind his target. 

He made to tap the man on the shoulder then paused, choosing instead to scream;

"Oh my God! Spider-Man! I love you!" 

Wade's head snapped up and he spun round, frowning as he saw Spider-Man standing in front of him laughing.

"Hilarious, Webs."

Spidey stepped up to him.

"Hey D, hello Dog."

Deadpool glanced down at the dog, who was wagging his tail at Spidey.

"Please refer to him by his full name, DogP. Or, his full-full name, DogP Ool."

"Dog P Ool?"

"Yes. Because he pees OOLL over the place. Heh."

Peter crouched down to fuss DP. "Oh dear. Your Daddy's jokes don't get any better do they?"

Wade decided to sidestep a joke about being Spidey's Daddy.

"So... what is our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man doing out this fine eve?"

"Usual stuff, not much going on though. What about you guys?"

"Oh we're on a super awesome mission."

"Oh?"

"Yep. Mission 'Daddy's been ignoring me so he owed me a big walk and possibly a hot dog."

Peter laughed. "Ah! That is important. Well, don't let me keep you."

DP whined and put his paw on Peter's knee.

"Seems you might be needed."

Peter patted his ears. "Alright. I suppose I can help out for mission Hot Dogs."

Wade smiled. “C’mon then, I know the best vendor further up this street. His dogs are the bomb.”

Peter fell into step beside them, gazing down at Dogpool and smiling as he trotted along between them.

And then there was that urge. That urge that Peter was definitely not going to give into because he was not ten years old and could resist such a- oh screw it.

“Can I… Can I walk him?”

Deadpool glanced over at him, then down to the lead in his hand.

“Oh… Oh! Yeah, sure!”

Dogpool paused as he watched his leash be passed over, then woofed happily and sped up the pace.

“Oh I see how it is. Now Spidey’s got you, you’re all happy.”

Peter just shrugged back at Wade.

“What can I say? My public love me.”

Wade rolled his eyes but caught up to the two all the same.

Wade had successfully led them to the Hot Dog cart and brought two; one without a bun for Dogpool, then added on a third, ignoring Peter’s protests that he was fine. And Peter had to admit, they were pretty damn good hot dogs. In fact he’d been so distracted by his own that he completely missed Wade wolf down his, and was starting to think that that mask was actually Deadpool’s real face.

He’d just pulled his mask back down over his chin when they heard a scream. All their senses, and Dogpool’s ears, shot up and Peter pointed out an alley not far from them. They quickly made their way over and saw a woman being mugged. She was slight, and easily over powered by the two men crowding her into the wall. One had her bag while the other was pointing a knife to her face.

“Oi! And just what the mighty fuck do you think you’re doing?!” 

The two men spun round at the sound of Deadpool’s voice, and the unarmed one yelped as his feet were pulled from under him by a web string, Peter jumped down from where he'd been stuck to the wall. Deadpool was over to them in a second, knocking the other man back enough for the woman to run free, she grabbed her bag and turned to Wade, who just waved her out of the alley. The woman didn’t need to be told twice, shouting thank yous over her shoulder as she fled.

The man on the ground made a grab for Deadpool’s leg, who stumbled to his knee but recovered with a pretty effective elbow to the guy’s nose.

Suddenly a scream that could only be Spidey’s made Wade's head snap up and he gasped as he saw the first man’s knife lodged in his red and blue arm. He sprung to his feet but before he could come to Spidey's aid, Dogpool had beaten him to it. He'd lunged at the attacker, sinking his teeth into the man's leg and shaking his head hard, bringing the man to the ground. Wade ran over and dragged DP back by his collar, pointing the tip of his sword at the attacker's throat as he reached for his gun. 

"I wouldn't, if I were you."

Deadpool dropped to his knees and punched the guy hard in the face, knocking him clean out. He scrambled over to where Spidey was leaning against the wall, clutching his arm.

"Webs! Are you okay?"

Peter nodded. "Yeah, yeah it's hurting. And it won't stop bleeding."

"You need to go to get that fixed up. Too bad I can't lend you the old healing gene."

Peter laughed weakly. "Yeah you selfish ass. Oh, ow." 

Wade watched him concerned; he heard a whine at his feet and saw Dogpool staring at them both. 

"Hey, thanks for the help Dog."

"Yeah." Wade rubbed his ears. "You're a good dog... you want to go to the hospital?"

Peter shook his head. "Can't you do it?"

"Yeah? I, shit yeah course I can. Fuck, sorry."

Wade was rambling as he searched through the pouches on his belt. "Can you get your sleeve up?"

Peter groaned, but tugged at his sleeve, biting his lip against the pain. 

Wade had found bandages and anti-septic and took hold of Peter's arm. "Um... you might want to brace yourself."

Peter pulled his mask up off his mouth enough to be able to bite his thumb. 

Wade took a deep breath, and poured the anti-septic on the wound. 

"Fuu-ughh!" Peter bit down hard on his thumb, head banging back off the wall. 

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm almost done."

Wade dropped the bottle on the ground and quickly wrapped the bandage around Spidey's arm. He took a hold of his hand again as he checked his handiwork. 

"Okay, it's done, Webs? You good?"

Peter's head was still pressed back against the bricks, but he'd dropped his hand from his mouth. 

"I err, yeah, I'm okay." He peered down at his arm. "Thanks D." 

It was then Wade realised he was still holding his hand, and dropped it swiftly.

"Err, you should probably get home."

Peter peered up at the roof, climbing was going be off limits.

"Yeah, definitely. Gonna be a long walk."

"You could crash at mine? It's not too far."

Peter gave Deadpool's shoulder a squeeze, but shook his head. 

"I'll be okay, but thanks for the offer."

Wade nodded and stepped back. "Well. Alright then. I'd say let me know how you are but-"

"No phone."

"Yeah, sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Peter crouched and fussed Dogpool with his good arm. "And you, my little hero. I think it's my turn to owe you a hot dog."

DP wagged his tail so hard his butt started shaking and the two men laughed. 

"Think I said the right thing there."

"He's a sucker for tasty meat."

Peter returned to his feet and looked straight at Deadpool.

"Just like his Daddy."

Wade clasped his hand over his heart. "Baby Spider! My innocent ears!" 

Peter giggled, and Wade frowned. That sounded awfully familiar...

He snapped out of it as Spidey touched his shoulder again; he gave Deadpool a quick one armed hug. 

"Seriously, thanks for patching me up, but I better be going."

"Yeah, be careful Webs, okay?" 

"I will, I'll see you around D. You too, hero pup." He gave DP one more pat, and fixed his mask, before they all headed out onto the street. Wade gave Spidey a wave as he started off in the opposite direction, and stayed watching until he was out of view.

And then there was that niggling feeling again. 

The one Wade got whenever Peter did something that reminded him of Spider-Man. Wade had assumed it was just old hang-ups about the hero, but this time it was Spidey reminding him of Peter. 

Wade had made it home without realising, too caught up in his thoughts about Peter. He let them in and freed DP from his leash, before pulling off his mask and weapons and dropping heavily down on the sofa.

Dogpool jumped up next to him and Wade stroked his fur. 

"It can't be true, can it? Peter's not Spidey. Shit like this doesn't happen."

DP yawned and laid his head on Wade's lap. "What am I saying? This isn't some shitty Ryan Reynolds romance movie, I've just got it bad for two guys, that's all." 

He gave DP's head a pat. "Yep. That's all."

He clicked on the TV; Al puttered in and flopped in her chair. "Jeopardy is on."

"You can't see."

"I can still hear, Dumb-ass." 

Wade switched over for her and watched for a few minutes before realising his mind had wandered back to Spider-Man.

He spotted his phone on the table and drummed his fingers on the chair.

Al tolerated it for a full minute before snapping. "Jesus Christ, just text him already."

Wade glanced over at her and figured it couldn't hurt to see Peter, if only to put his mind to rest.

_\- So, not that I'm not enjoying our pizza dates because I definitely am but, fancy something a bit more liquidy? That's if you're old enough to get served in bars :P_

Peter had just made it home (via the fire escape) when he saw his phone light up. He smiled when he saw Wade's name pop up, and swiftly replied.

_\- I'm 24! And that sounds great. First round's on you though, you cheeky ass x_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥♥♥♥♥


	9. Some genius, Parker.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter get their liquid date, but an innocent bar-stool is about to turn the boys' lives upside down. 
> 
> Also Wade punches someone in the face.

The next night Wade was in one of his favourite hangs and was sat up the bar with his second beer. He’d promised himself he’d wait for Peter but it looked weird to be sat in a bar without a drink right?

Okay. So maybe he was nervous. He didn’t know what he’d do if his worries turned out to be true. He ran out of time to dwell on it any longer as Peter entered the bar, he spotted Wade instantly and headed in his direction. Wade took a hefty swig of his beer and swallowed it just as Peter slipped into the stool next to him.

“Hi!” Peter grinned over at him.

Wade smiled. “Hi yourself.”

He spied Wade’s now empty bottle and frowned. “Am I late?”

“Oh. No, I was early. Had one to settle me in.”

“Aww. Were you all nervous to see me again?”

_You have no idea…_ Wade thought idly as Peter flagged down the barman.

Three beers later, five for Wade, and he’d all but forgotten about the Peter/Spider-Man thing. Peter plus alcohol was downright adorable. He was currently very busy explaining the intricate details of the newest Mad Max movie, and how attractive new Max was compared to old Max, and how it tied in to the old ones. Or classic ones as he’d referred to them.

That had earned him a playful slap from Wade who could remember going to watch _Thunderdome_ in the cinemas.

“Jeeze, you’re old.”

“Hey! It was only the 80’s!”

“Yeah! But you had to be old enough to get in!”

Wade pouted and focused on his glass.

“It was easier to sneak in in the 80’s…”

Peter laughed hard and oh, how Wade loved that sound. He spotted a booth free up near them and gave Peter’s hand a squeeze to get his attention.

“Hey, booth. Wanna grab it? I’m getting vertigo up on these stools.”

Peter laughed again but nodded, moving his hands to push himself up off the bar as Wade hopped off of his stool.

“Ow! Shit…”

Wade turned back to him frowning.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I err, I hurt my arm yesterday. Keep forgetting about it.”

Wade’s heart thumped once.

“You hurt your arm?”

“Yeah. Put a big gash in it.”

Second thump.

“How’d you manage that?”

“Oh. I slipped with a knife while making a sandwich, how lame right? Looks pretty sweet though.”

Peter tugged up his sleeve and the bottom fell out of Wade’s world. He recognised the wound instantly, and his own slapdash handiwork at fixing it up. His stomach twisted as Wade gawked at it; Peter caught him staring and shrugged, pulling his sleeve back down.

“It’s not as bad as it looks I promise, only hurt a little bit.”

_It hurt enough for you to scream._ Wade thought before trying to wipe that sound from his mind.

“Christ. Did you get it checked out?”

Peter shook his head.

“Nah. Just cleaned it out and wrapped it up. If it goes bad I’ll get it looked at.” He smiled softly. “Booth?”

“Oh. Yeah, err... here take my drink, I’ve just got to use the bathroom.”

Peter took his glass with another smile, and headed for the free booth as Wade all but bolted for the men’s room.

He crashed in through the door and fell over to the sinks, gripping it hard. His mind was whirling.

Peter was Spider-Man.

Peter was the guy he’d been basically in love with since meeting him. Peter was his joint-favourite Superhero and ex hook up. Peter was the guy he was trying to get over to get with Peter and- ow. That one hurt his head. More importantly, Wade was supposed to be the guy Peter was getting over Deadpool with. The guy that was better for him than Deadpool.

Fuck. How was he supposed to explain this?! Peter was going to hate him.

Wade took a deep breath and made a split second decision. He was going to ignore the whole thing and get drunk. Maybe Peter would come to his own realisation and Wade could act all surprised like he’d never noticed?

As tonight was swiftly proving, stranger things could happen.

Peter looked up as Wade dropped into the booth and a slightly relieved looking smile grew on his lips.

“Thought you bailed on me.”

“Huh?”

“You know, saw my terrifying injury and jumped out of the bathroom window.”

Wade smirked. “Hey baby, with skin like this a little blood doesn’t bother me.”

See, he could do this. All flirting and no feelings. It was gonna be fine.

Then Peter grinned that winning grin at him and his heart did a flip.

“Hey?” Peter tipped his empty glass to Wade. “Fancy another?”

Wade was fucked.

The drinks continued to flow along with the conversation but Wade was distracted. Now that he knew for sure every little thing reminded him of Spidey. From the way Peter tilted his head to the side when dropping a cheeky insult about Wade, to the way he stood with his feet awkwardly turned in while waiting at the bar. Wade couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to realise.

And yet, Peter was still apparently oblivious.

That might be because Peter had more important things on his mind. Like how long it had been since he’d gotten laid and wasn’t the rule three dates and sex? The alcohol swimming around his body was nodding yes and helpfully pointing out that they were one date overdue.

He was shaken from his thoughts by Wade’s glass hitting the table. He spotted it was empty and smiled.

“You err… You fancy getting out of here?”

Wade looked up at him. “What?”

“You know, grab some take out or something? I’m starved, and I could probably do with something to soak up some of this.” He waved his hand at the empty bottles and glasses to back up his point.

Wade nodded after a second and reached for his coat.

“Yeah, yeah sure, food sounds good.”

Peter was already on his feet. “Food it is then!”

The two stepped outside the bar and Peter was just figuring out how to suggest they eat the food back at his place when a guy stumbled up to them. He looked familiar, though Peter couldn’t figure out why.

“Oi. Wallets, now.” He punctuated his statement by pulling a knife from his pocket and Wade recognised him instantly. The small cut on his nose should’ve given it away in hindsight, because Wade’s fist had put it there the night before.

“Are you two fucking deaf? I said wallets!”

“Hey now, big guy-“

The man spat at Wade’s feet.

“Back off.” He paused and looked over Wade and Peter. Peter was frozen, staring at the knife in an annoying case of de-ja-vu. He could disarm the guy in seconds but that required giving his real identity away to Wade.

“Been on a nice date have we? Hope you kept some money back from trying to get this kid pissed enough to screw a fuck up like you.”

“You know. I was going to go easy on you, but fuck it.”

Wade reached back, and punched the guy square in his nose. The goon reeled back, letting out a howl that could only come from someone having their not yet healed nose broken some more and it gave Wade enough time to yell for Peter to get back before the guy recovered enough to retaliate.

Wade ducked his fist easily and came back with another blow of his own, landing this one in the man’s stomach, he doubled over winded and Wade took advantage, tackling the mugger to the ground.

Peter watched transfixed as Wade made short work of disarming their attacker, grabbing the knife from his hand and throwing it out of their reach. And Christ, Wade coming to his rescue was the hottest thing Peter had ever seen.

Wade was unaware of his effect on Peter as he leaned down close to the mugger. “Now listen to me, fucker. You might not know who I am, but you hurt a real important friend of mine, and unless you want another round of what happened to you in the alley last night, I suggest you kindly fuck off and don’t come near us, or Spider-Man, ever again.”

The man had stopped struggling when Wade had mentioned the alley, and was now staring wide eyed up at the Merc.

“You’re… seriously?”

“Ding ding, top prize, asshole. Now I’m gonna do a good Deadpool and let you free, see my buddy back there doesn’t know who I am and I’d like to keep it that way.” Wade moved his knee from where it had been lodged against the man’s chest. “Are you going to be a good Mugger and go on your way?”

The man nodded desperately. Wade smiled and stood up, the mugger waited until he was free of Wade’s hands then scrambled to his feet. He caught Wade’s eye for a second before fleeing down the street.

Wade only had a second to enjoy his swiftly retreating form before he was reminded of Peter.

“Fuck…” Peter said softly, but not softly for Wade to not hear it apparently, as the other man spun on his heel and cocked his head at Peter.

He quickly moved over to him and touched his shoulders. “Are you okay?”

Peter was more than okay. He was more turned on than he’d been in months. Like the kind of turned on he’d be after fighting alongside Deadpool.

Huh.

Maybe violence really was his thing.

“Oh, I’m fine. So fine, really.” Peter’s hands came to rest at Wade’s hips, and the taller man raised an eyebrow at him.

“Pete?”

Peter reached up and kissed him firmly, his grip on Wade’s hips tightened and he tugged him back against the wall.

Getting off on violence, yeah, this was definitely his Spidey.

Peter moaned as Wade’s hands fell to Peter’s thighs, pulling him up onto tip toes as he deepened the kiss. Peter hooked an arm around Wade’s shoulders, forcing them even closer.

As much as Wade was enjoying himself, and oh God he was, he couldn’t help the feeling of guilt nagging away at him. Now he knew Peter was his Spider, he felt like he was lying to him, and that made Wade feel awful.

Peter on the other hand felt fantastic. The drink mixed with the rapidly building lust had given him a ton of confidence and he broke from Wade’s mouth to mumble;

“Do you want to come back to mine?"

Wade froze. "Err."

"Unless you know, you can't, it's fine."

"No I want to it's just that, err..."

_I know exactly who you are and can't believe you haven't worked this out yet? Some genius, Parker._

"Honestly, its fine. Another night, maybe." Peter’s arms loosened on Wade and he panicked.

"Tomorrow?" The word slipped from Wade's mouth before he realised it. Peter smiled.

"Tomorrow I can do."

Shit. Wade had wanted to get in Spidey's bedroom for months but not like this. He couldn’t change his mind now though, and sighed inwardly before replying.

"Alright, I'll meet you there then?" 

Peter lent in for a kiss. "It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look! It's that chapter! With the thing! Yay!


	10. “What a certain asshole Merc calls you?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade finally spends the night at Peter's, but the evening could not go more differently to how Peter had hoped.

Peter was just finishing up tidying his apartment when his phone beeped, he grabbed it, smiling at the message from Wade saying he was on his way and flopped down on the sofa, giddy excitement bubbling away in his belly.

Wade stomach ached as he headed to Peter’s. He’d been up most of the night trying to figure out how to tell him that his secret was out. He’d even considered taking Dogpool with him and releasing him into the flat as a giant slobbering ‘Look who my Daddy is!’

He sighed uselessly as he rounded the corner to Pete’s apartment block and pressed the buzzer. No turning back now.

Peter had buzzed him through instantly and Wade was outside his door in less time than he would’ve hoped for.

Peter opened the door with a smile and ushered him inside. If he’d considered the evening taking any other course than instantly jumping Wade, then he’d be wrong. Wade had barely closed the door behind him and dropped his bag when the previous night’s lust returned to Peter in a wave. He reached up and kissed Wade, backing him up against the wall.

“Getting straight into it then?” Wade said as they broke for air.

“Any objections?”

Wade could think of a pretty big one. But Peter was staring up at him, those pouty lips parted and Jesus, Wade was only human.

“Just, let me sit down?”

Peter nodded and led him over to the bed, Wade dropped down onto the edge and Peter hovered in front of him. Wade rolled his eyes and grabbed Peter’s hand, tugging him down onto his lap. They kissed slower this time and Wade was just convincing himself he’d be okay when Peter rocked his hips forward. Wade’s body responded instantly like the traitorous bastard it was and Peter took it as encouragement, rocking again and breaking from Wade’s mouth to nip at his jaw.

Wade felt Peter lean against him and took the hint, lying back on the bed he was rewarded by Peter settling over him, sweeping down he kissed Wade once before moving to press his lips to Wade’s neck.

Wade wanted to be enjoying himself, finally had Spider-Pete the way he’d wanted them both for months, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being an asshole. He raised his hands and pushed Peter’s shoulders.

“Pete…Pete stop…”

“Hm?” Peter didn’t, continuing on his journey down Wade’s neck.

“Peter we can’t-”

“It’s okay, we’ll go slow.”

Wade started to panic.

“Pete, it’s not that… Fucks sake Peter I know it’s you!”

Peter paused, raising his head to look at Wade.

“It’s me? What do you mean?”

“I mean, Peter, it’s me.”

Peter had sat back on his heels and was watching Wade unsurely.

“Wade, you’re confusing me.”

Wade rolled his eyes, racking his brain for something that might trigger recognition frustration was evident in his voice as he suddenly replied. “Fuck, Webs! It’s me!”

Peter froze; eyes wide as he stared at Wade, Deadpool’s pet name for him having just burst from his mouth.

“Webs?... But that’s… ”

“What a certain asshole Merc calls you?”

Peter’s eyes, if possible, grew even wider.

“…Deadpool?”

“Ding ding.” Wade replied weakly.

Peter collapsed off of his lap onto the bed, the colour drained from his face as he stared at Wade.

“No, no this can’t be true.”

“I’m sorry. But it is. It’s me.”

“No. Prove it.”

Wade blinked. “Sorry, what?”

Peter looked straight at him. “Prove it.”

Wade rolled his eyes again but stood from the bed and reached for his bag. He rooted around inside it before pulling out his Deadpool mask. Peter’s stomach twisted hard and he crumpled on the bed.

“What the fuck?” His voice was barely a whisper as he gaped at the all too familiar red and black fabric clutched in Wade’s hand.

“Yeah. I know.”

Peter’s eyes met Wade’s for a moment and Wade’s heart broke at the lost look on his face. He shuffled around until he was sat up, knees hugged to his chest. Wade stuffed his mask back in his bag and dropped it on the floor, lingering awkwardly near the bed.

It felt like an age until Peter spoke again.

“How long have you known?” He said softly, voice half muffled by his knees.

“I err, I suspected it for a while but I only knew for sure last night.”

“What gave it away?”

“Your arm.”

Peter raised his head to peer at the cut on his forearm and let out a huff of a laugh, though there was no joy in it.

“Why now?”

“Sorry?”

“Why tell me now?”

Wade sighed. “I couldn’t go through with, that, without you knowing.”

“Why not?” Peter asked as he looked over at Wade, who just shrugged before replying.

“Don’t know, didn’t feel right.”

Peter sighed heavily and pushed his hands into his eyes. “Look, can you just sit down or something? You’re making me nervous standing around like that.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Wade plopped down on the bed.

“How is this even possible?”

Wade shrugged again. “Believe me, I’ve been trying to get my head around it all night.”

Peter’s mind was busy whirling through a recount of the past few weeks and he frowned as he remembered the dating site, and Tony’s desperation to get them signed up.

“Did they put you up to it?” he said suddenly.

“Pete, you’ve lost me.”

“The dating site, did they put you up to it?”

Wade was confused. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Al made me join because she was sick of me mop…well. She was sick of me.”

Peter glanced back at him, his eyes were wide and a little sad and Wade’s heart ached. “So it wasn’t Tony?”

“Tony?.. What’s The Iron Ass got to do with this?”

“He… He got me on the site.”

“You went to Tony Stark for dating advice?”

Peter shook his head. “It was for Bruce- look this isn’t important right now. So, this isn’t some big joke?”

“Shit, of course not Peter! You think I’d do that to you? I… I’d never do that.”

Peter knew that was true, deep down. Both Deadpool and Wade had literally beat guys into the ground for him, after all. But none of this made any sense, Deadpool hadn’t shown any interest in Peter beyond the odd sloppy screw, and yet Wade had dated the heck out of him.

Peter stared out of the window, after what seemed like forever it was Wade’s turn to break the silence.

"I'm sorry, I know you're disappointed."

Peter frowned. "Disappointed?" He looked back at Wade. "I'm not, why would I be disappointed?"

"Well, you ended it with me for something better."

"No Wade, I ended what we, that us, had because I wanted this and I thought you didn't."

"But I did, I do. With you.”

Peter groaned loudly. “This is so confusing!”

Wade felt useless as he watched Peter battling with the turmoil he’d been through himself for weeks. At least Wade had had the luxury of time; the slow realization had been a lot kinder than the ‘hit by a truck’ kind Peter was currently experiencing.

"Why didn't you say something once you started to suspect it?”

"I didn't want to risk losing you again." Wade answered honestly.

"What?.. When did you lose me before?"

Wade was looking down at the covers; picking at them distractedly. He didn't reply but the answer hit Peter like a blow to the head.

"I thought... it felt like there wasn't anything there to lose..."

Wade shrugged. "Well there was to me."

"I don't get it. Why not try? You just let me go.”

"Are you kidding me? You know how I feel about Spider Man, he's perfect."

"And I'm what?"

"Still perfect." Wade replied instantly. "Just, more human. I didn't think Spider-you would want me once you saw all this."

"Well I would've. I still do."

"Yeah well I know that now."

The room fell silent once more. Peter returned to his position with his arms on his knees and his head in his hands, Wade sat still, staring helplessly at his back.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No, Wade."

"I err... Then I don't know what to do. Peter, tell me what you want me to do."

"I want you to make this all make sense, I want you to make my head stop hurting, I want to go back to an hour ago when we were just gonna get sweaty and maybe order pizza and be happy."

"I don't think I can do that, baby... but I can help with your head." He moved up the bed, coming to a stop just behind Peter. He knelt up and wrapped his arms around Peter; the younger man sighed and let his head fall to Wade's shoulder, hands gripping onto his forearm.

"I should've told you sooner."

"I don't think it would've made much difference.... I can't get my head around it."

"I know. Maybe you should get some sleep? Might help."

Peter glanced down at the bed. "Maybe."

Wade let go of him and watched as he shuffled around on the bed.

"Look I know err, we're not doing as planned now but, can I still stay the night? I don't, I don't really want to leave you on your own."

"Sure, Wade." 

He didn't sound sure, but Wade couldn't face walking out on him. Peter had curled up under the covers; his usually unruly hair even more rumpled from Pete's stressing, was poking out along with a sad expression on Peter's face. Wade felt awful. He watched as Peter yawned into the covers, and stood from the bed.

"Get some sleep, Pete."

Wade stood and watched Peter until he was sure he was sleeping. He gazed around Peter’s apartment properly for the first time. It was a small place, with modest furniture, Peter’s bed being the main attraction. There were little additions that screamed Pete though. Hoodies and beat up Chucks Wade recognised were cluttered up by the door, a couple of old movie posters were stuck to the walls along with a few snapshots Wade assumed had been taken by Peter.

There was a really good one of Captain America that Wade had to resist stealing.

He glanced over at the bed, Peter was still sleeping and Wade sighed softly. He flopped down on the sofa and switched on the TV. 

-

Peter awoke with a jolt two hours later. He looked around him for a minute, frowning as he saw he was fully dressed. He kicked the sheets back and sat up just as Wade re-entered the room from the bathroom. The two froze, sharing a deer in the headlights expression before Wade spoke softly.

“Did I wake you up?”

Peter shook his head. “No, sorry. I forgot you were here. What time is it?”

Wade glanced at his phone. “Just past 12.”

“God, I was out for hours.”

“Just a couple.” Wade replied as he reached the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a truck. But I’m okay… you?”

“I’m okay. I err, I made a sandwich. I was hungry.”

Peter actually smiled. “That’s okay. Don’t want you dying on me.”

“Yeah you’ll need to try harder than starving me to get rid of me for long.”

Peter laughed softly. “Oh yeah. The whole immortal thing.” He watched Wade for a minute before adding quietly. “Show off.”

Wade smiled and caught Peter’s eye. “Do we need to talk?”

“I think that would help.”

Peter sat up on the bed, shuffling over so Wade could fit in next to him. He rolled his eyes and tugged him closer when Wade left a space between them, curling up against Wade’s side.

“Okay. So, you’re Deadpool.”

“Yeah.”

“And you know I’m Spider-Man.”

“I do.”

“Because some ass got a lucky stab in.”

“The same ass who came for us outside the bar last night.”

Peter paused, then gasped. “I knew he looked familiar! Hey, speaking of that. What did you say to him to make him leave so fast?”

Wade shrugged. “I just, reminded him of how the whole alleyway shit went down and I think he got the message.”

Peter twisted round to stare up at Wade. “You told him who you were?”

“Don’t worry, just me. I left you out of it.”

“Yeah but still…”

Wade shrugged again. “Like anybody’s gonna believe him.”

Peter sat quiet for a moment.

“I can’t believe you told him and not me.”

Wade flinched, but relaxed when he spotted the small smirk on Peter’s face. He gave him a gentle nudge. “Yeah well, I had more to lose with you than him.”

“Yeah, just your life.”

“Exactly, nothing I can’t get back.”

“We’re getting off topic. Having a conversation with you is impossible.”

“Well I am sorry Pete but you’re talking to like three different people up in here.” He tapped his forehead and Peter giggled.

“Wade! I’m trying to be serious. This is serious.”

“Alright okay. Carry on.”

Peter sighed. “So. I left Deadpool-You because I thought you only wanted the faceless hooking up and were never going to commit, but you, what?”

Wade looked down at his jeans. “I wanted it. I just didn’t think I was good enough.”

“You’re an idiot. If I’d have pushed for more back then what would you have done?”

“Honestly? I’m not sure. It’s all I wanted but, you know…” Wade waved a hand over his body and Peter huddled in closer.

“Well I hope you know now that doesn’t bother me.”

“All the pushing me into alleys and doorways has kind of given me an inkling, yep.”

Peter rolled his eyes as Wade grinned, pushing himself up he paused. “Are we…” He frowned and Wade touched a hand to his shoulder.

“What is it?”

“I want to kiss you.” Peter said with a shy smile. “But I don’t know if we’re okay.”

“What do you think?”

Peter shrugged. “Like this makes everything so much simpler but, is that too easy?”

Wade shook his head. “Do you still want to be with me? Both of me?”

Peter nodded gently. “Yeah, more than anything.”

Wade smiled. “Then it’s that easy. Now, you said something about a kiss?”

Peter grinned and leaned in, meeting Wade’s mouth in a simple kiss. He broke away after a minute and put his hand over his mouth.

“If you yawn Petey, I swear to God.”

Peter giggled and stifled a yawn. “It’s the middle of the night!”

“Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t realise you were a day time only superhero! Remind me not to contact you out of hours again okay?”

Peter laughed, snuffling into Wade’s neck as his body shook. Wade wrapped Peter up in his arms and smiled, relieved to have his Petey back.

“Hey. We good?”

Peter pulled back into view and nodded. “Sleep now?”

“You read my mind, Baby.” 


	11. "Are you gonna let me have a pizza that ass?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after the night before. And man, do the boys make the most of it. 
> 
> Pure filth tbh. You've been warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It’s that chapter! With their things! Yay! 
> 
> We earning that E rating now lads. Hold onto your butts.

Peter awoke slowly, snuffling his face into the pillow as he fought waking for as long as he could. The fog in his brain started to clear and the previous night's events came back to him in waves. He sat up slowly and looked behind him, his heart flipped when he saw Wade still asleep, flat out on his front. He reached out a hand to shake him then paused, instead choosing to climb carefully from the bed, padding quietly to the bathroom.

When he returned Wade was still asleep, though he'd rolled onto his back. Peter watched him for a moment with a smile, then felt a stirring. He climbed carefully onto the bed, hands and knees as he made his way over to Wade.

"Wade?"

Peter shuffled close on the bed, hooking a leg over Wade's thigh as he pushed his nose into his neck.

"Wade."

Wade shifted, a tiny frown formed between his brows. "Mm?"

"Wake up..."

Wade squeezed his eyes shut. "Why should I?" they flew open as he felt a weight on his lap, and saw Peter sat straddling him to the bed.

Wade vaguely recalled Peter kicking off his bottoms in the night, which explained why he was now perched above him in just his tee shirt and boxers.

"Pete! What are you doing?"

"I wondered if you wanted to carry on from where we left off last night. You know, before I ruined everything." He ducked his head, picking at Wade's shirt.

"You didn't ruin anything." Wade said gently, raising a hand to run it through Peter's hair. He gave it a small tug and Peter came willingly, meeting Wade halfway for a kiss.

"Mmmorning... can I wake up like this everyday?"

Peter grinned. "If you'd like. Just this though? Or..." he rocked his hips softly and Wade breathed deep.

"Pete..."

"Yeah?"

Peter was smirking at him, still rolling his hips slowly into Wade's.

"You don't have to do this."

He looked straight into Wade's eyes. "I want to. I wanted to, before... and it's not like we haven't ever done it."

"Not like this."

"No, not like this. Always wanted it like this though."

Wade's hands were at Peter's hips, squeezing the soft skin that was just poking out beneath his top. "God me too, so much, Baby."

Wade pulled Peter down for another kiss.

"You can have anything you want Pete just, let's go slow okay? I don't want to rush this one."

Peter nodded with a smile. "Okay."

They kissed again, Peter sank down until they were lying next to each other, propped up on their sides, Peter with a leg hooked over Wade's.

And Wade wanted to go slow, he really did. But Peter was right there in his arms, all warm and happy and willing and Wade was weak. He trailed his free arm down Peter's back, using it to pull him in and bring their groins into sharp contact. Peter moaned into his mouth and Wade repaid the favour, groaning and slipping back to bite Pete's lip as he rubbed their crotches together.

"So... that little hip thing you were doing for me earlier... fancy doing it again?"

Peter caught Wade's eye with a smirk and let Wade roll them until he was back straddling him to the bed.

He gave a testing rock, receiving only encouragement he soon increased his pace, breathy moans started to slip from his mouth and Wade wasn't coping much better. Until Peter's fingers slipped underneath his shirt.

He froze and grabbed Peter's wrists, stilling his movements.

"Wade? Oh, shit. Sorry, I didn't realise I-"

"No. Fuck, don't apologise. It's me."

An awkward silence fell over the room until Peter's quiet voice broke it.

"Would you, could you take it off for me?"

Wade stared up at him. "I don't know."

"I just... I wanna see you."

"You don't want to see this."

Peter frowned, fingers twisting softly in the fabric of Wades tee. He dropped his head, hair brushing over Wade's forehead.

"If it's too much, you can keep it on. I just... I want to be as close to you as I can."

Fuck. How could a guy refuse a request like that? Wade tipped his head back to drop a kiss on Peter's chin. It took all of his not very considerable courage to mumble.

"I... okay."

Peter raised his head, a small hopeful smile on his lips.

"Yeah? You want me to go first or same time?"

"Same time."

Peter sat back on Wade's lap and took hold of the hem of his top, tugging it upwards. Wade waited until it was over Pete's head before taking a deep breath and pulling his shirt off in one motion.

Peter caught Wade's gaze falling over him and blushed a little.

"Fuck Pete... you're beautiful."

"You're beautiful."

Peter replied simply as he bent to kiss Wade's neck. Wade's eyes lowered and Peter frowned.

"Let me show you."

Peter set off down Wade's chest, peppering kisses randomly over the marked skin, Wade lifted his head as Peter teased his hipbones with his fingers, dancing them along the waistband of Wade's boxers.

"Okay to take these off?"

"Only if I get to take yours off too."

Peter smirked. "All in good time."

Wade smiled, then nodded and lifted his hips. Peter helped tug his boxers down enough to free his dick, and took a second to marvel at it.

"You know how often I tried to catch a peek after we'd..."

"Done the rooftop dance? Yeah, I noticed."

Peter shrugged. "Well you got to see mine."

Wade gasped as Peter wrapped a hand around him. "Well, does it live up to expectations?"

Peter smirked. "I dunno, let's see."

With that, he dropped and took Wade in his mouth.

"Holy...oh...ohhh. Petey..."

Wade's hands moved down to bury themselves in Peter's hair. Peter responded by moving his head down lower, drawing a deep groan from Wade's throat.

"Oh... good boy."

Peter had done this before, Wade mentally kicked himself for holding out on such talent until now.

Speaking of holding out, Wade wasn't. Peter was going to town on his dick, licking and sucking in all the right places, head bobbing like a pro and Jesus Christ! Wade would've set them up on all sorts of bogus missions if he knew he could of got this after. He felt one of Peter's hands slide up from his thigh to cup his balls and, no, that had to stop.

"Fuck... Pete, Baby." Wade gave his head a push.

Peter looked up at him with wide eyes. "Not good?"

"No, so good, too good, you're gonna have me going off already. Speaking of going off." He pointed at Peter's underwear. "Those, off, gone. Please."

Peter was happy to oblige. Moving off Wade's lap long enough to remove his last remaining clothing. Wade managed to kick his off his legs before Peter was sliding back over him.

"There it is! C'mere."

Peter moved up expecting a kiss, but gasped as Wade grabbed his thighs instead.

"Get up here." He tugged Peter up to his head.

"Wade what are you- AH!" The rest of Peter's sentence was lost on a groan as Wade's tongue poked at his ass.

Peter's hands grasped uselessly at the wall above them as he felt Wade's tongue push inside him. The sensations were incredible, and Peter found a grip on Wade's arms as his head fell back.

"Shit... shit, Wade!"

Wade just hummed a moan in response, pulling Peter closer to him by his hips.

"Oh, God... okay... this, this is new."

Wade grinned, darting his tongue inside for a moment and feeling a rush of pride at the noises it drew from Peter.

"Oh my god, please Wade."

"What do you want?" Wade said before dipping inside again.

Peter moaned loudly.

"Didn't quite catch that Baby."

"Wade!"

"More of this?"

Peter wasn't sure if he could take anymore, he pushed himself up, trying to get out of the range of Wade's tongue.

"And where do you think you're going?"

He peered down at Wade and his dick twitched. Wade's eyes were dark and his lips were glossy with spit.

"I need you."

"Oh yeah? Need me to what?"

"What do you think?" Peter huffed, letting out a yelp a second later as Wade pulled him down to sit on his chest.

"Are you asking me to fuck you, Petey?"

"Ugh, Wade..."

"Hey, is that a yes?"

Peter blinked back at Wade. "What? Yes, of course yes!"

Wade grinned widely. "All I needed to hear. I'm guessing you've got, y'know..."

Peter frowned. "What?"

"Well you invited me round Baby, I figured you'd lay on the spread..."

"Spread? Oh OH! Yeah, it's all in the drawer."

Peter slipped back onto the bed as Wade reached for the little table, he grabbed the condoms and paused, picking up the lube he waved it at Peter.

"I'm gonna... assume you don't need this?" He finished his sentence with a smirk and Peter blushed.

"Shut up."

Wade grinned and knelt up on the bed, swiftly sorting out the condom, which was a lot easier without gloves.

"You ready, Petey?"

Peter made to get on his knees, but Wade pulled him close. "No I don't think so, you're getting on top."

"What?"

"I want to see you."

Peter lingered for a moment, Wade pecked a kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Is that okay?"

"I-I guess? We've never really been facing."

"Well the masks were kinda off putting. I want to see your face, Baby, now I can see it, I never want to stop looking at it."

That made Peter's dick and his heart twitch.

"Alright..."

He waited as Wade lay back on the bed, sliding into his old position above Wade's groin. He steadied himself as Wade lined them up, a hand touched his hip and he followed it down. A low groan echoed from Wade's throat as he pushed inside Peter and, finally, something that felt familiar.

Not that he'd ever get tired of it, especially not now he got to see the look on Peter's face as he started to move. Wade needed to up his game, that face could have him off in no time.

Peter started to move, unsurely at first until he saw Wade. He was staring intently at Peter, lips parted as he moaned softly, a look of pure enjoyment on his face. Peter sped up, shifting a little to be able to bounce up and down.

Wade moaned louder as Peter's pace picked up. His hands moved to Wade's chest and he gripped his skin as he started to slam his hips down, groaning every time Wade filled him.

"Petey, oh god you're so perfect. Please don't stop Baby."

Wade was babbling, which was nothing new, but Peter knew that meant he was getting closer. He shifted again, dropping down to sit on Wade, rocking his hips back and forth as he took his own neglected cock in hand.

"Hey..." Wade said breathlessly. "That's my job."

"You can get the next one." Peter tried to sound in control, but he was as wrecked as Wade was. His movements faltered as his release crept closer, Wade noticed and pulled Peter closer by his arm.

"Wade?"

"Hold on, Baby."

Wade bent his legs at the knee, taking hold of Peter's hips the younger man just had time to grab Wade's shoulders before he was thrusting into him with abandon.

"Wade... shit..."

"Can you still tou-ah!.. Yourself?"

Peter nodded, wriggling a hand down between them he managed to wrap it around his dick, sloppily pulling himself off as Wade thrust faster into him.

Wade was close, he held Peter's hips in place as he felt his release nearing.

"Pete, Petey... come for me baby, need you to come for me."

"Tryin'"

"I know Baby, you're doing so well. Wanna go with you, cmon..."

"Wade..."

"You close? You look close... kinda don't want you to be, don't ever want to stop. You feel too good around me Pete, feel so good."

Wade felt Peter tighten and groaned. "Is that it? Come on Pete, let it go for me."

Peter did, coming hard with a hoarse yell into Wade's neck, cock sputtering between them. Wade followed him a second later, chanting Peter's name as he rode his orgasm out inside him.

Peter collapsed in an awkward heap on top of Wade and for a while all that filled the air was the sound of their panting breaths slowly returning to normal.

Wade softly ran his fingers up Peter's back, earning himself a shudder that shot straight down his dick.

"You're gonna need to get off that, Baby..."

Peter raised his head and groaned, Wade helped push him up and whined as Peter moved off him. He collapsed on the bed next to Wade, and a wave of awkwardness washed over him.

"Um."

"You okay?" Wade rolled onto his side as Peter peered up at him.

"We've never done the post-sex bit."

"Hah yeah, I guess you're right." Wade dropped a kiss on Peter's nose before propping himself up on his elbow.

"Well. I was thinking, we have a bit of a nap, then maybe order some food in... see where the day takes us."

"You're just hoping for seconds."

"Food, or sex? Because honestly I'm good for either."

Peter laughed and reached for Wade, tugging him down onto the bed. "You're an idiot." He said fondly, wrapping him up in kisses.

Wade whined as he opened his eyes, stretching out before realising he'd fallen asleep. He reached for the nearest phone and swore as he saw the time. He glanced over at the owner of the phone and found him fast out.

"Hey, Pete?" He said softly as he gave the boy's shoulder a shake.

"Mmf?" Came the very articulate reply as Peter buried his head in the pillow.

"Peter, c'mon get up, we've been asleep for like three hours."

Peter was still for a second, then slowly rolled over to peek up at Wade.

"Whoops..."

He saw Wade smiling at him and frowned.

"Why're smiling?"

"Oh, nothing." Wade said quickly as he looked away, adding quietly. "You're just, really cute when you're sleepy."

It was Peter's turn to smile as he pushed himself up on the bed, shuffling over he pecked a kiss on Wade's cheek before resting his chin on the Merc's shoulder.

"Wade?"

"Peter."

"I'm hungry."

"Me too. What shall we have?"

Peter stretched, and yawned softly before replying. "Pizza?"

"Sounds good." Wade pulled away from Peter and stood from the bed. "You order, you already know what I want; I gotta take a whizz."

He spotted his boxers on the floor and pulled them on. "Cmon on then, Pizza Boy."

Peter rolled his eyes but grabbed his phone, ordering their food as he enjoyed the view of Wade walking away.

When Wade returned the food was ordered, and Peter was sat on the bed, scrolling through his phone in his boxers and a hoodie.

"Err. What's this?"

Peter glanced up at him. "Well you put yours on."

"Yes but me wearing mine doesn't stop me seeing you naked does it?"

Peter shrugged, looking back at his phone. "I was cold."

Wade climbed onto the bed. "Aww. Was someone hoping for another go? Maybe a game of race the delivery guy?"

"Race the, what are you on about?"

"You know, see if you can come before he does."

Peter wrinkled up his nose. "No thanks. Also if you're planning on making him come can you do it out in the hall please?"

Wade smirked. "I bet I could get so much more pizza paying with sex instead of money."

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Remind me, who was screaming in my lap not four hours ago?"

Peter made a show of staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. "Mmm, nope. Doesn't ring a bell."

A low growl rumbled in Wade's throat and he grabbed Peter's shoulders, kissing him firmly. Peter swiftly dropped his phone, taking hold of something far more interesting as Wade knocked him back onto the bed.

They made out like teenagers for the entire half hour it took for the food to arrive.

Peter's intercom buzzed and he turned very innocent eyes on Wade.

"Nice try, Princess. Your place, you fetch the pizza."

Peter sighed but stumbled over to his intercom, having lost his boxers once more in the make out session, he grabbed a pair of joggers as he passed them on the floor.

Wade watched Peter's perfect ass disappear behind the fabric and sighed dramatically.

"Do you have to put it away?"

"Do you want your food?"

Wade smirked. "Go fetch, Pizza Boy."

Peter made it back up the stairs to his door and promptly remembered he'd forgotten his keys.

He knocked on the door and Wade smirked, standing casually he pulled on his jeans and strolled over to the door. He cracked it open enough to peer through the gap.

"Yes? Ooh. It's the Pizza Boy."

"Wade."

"Hm?" He glanced down at the box. "No this pizza is for a Peter Parker."

"Yeah, its mine?"

"Why are you delivering me your own pizza?"

"Wade-"

"Are you allowed to order your own while working? Sounds like I might have to call your boss..."

Peter ignored him.

"Are you gonna let me in?"

"I dunno. Are you gonna let me have a pizza that ass?"

Peter groaned.

"Waaaaade!"

He sighed but stood back to let Peter inside.

"Just as it was starting to feel like a porno..."

Peter stuck his tongue out. "Pizza is better than sex."

Wade clutched his chest with a gasp. "Yeah I'm gonna need a rain check on this whole boyfriend thing."

Peter merely laughed, and pulled a slice of pizza from the box, doing a happy wiggle as he bit into it.

"I'm good with that. Pizza can be my boyfriend."

"Good luck getting pizza to suck your dick." Wade replied, then froze staring at Peter.

"Did you just get like, a super fucked up mental image?"

Peter was still, pizza slice hovering in front of his mouth. "I don't, I don't think I even know the words to describe what I just saw."

Wade grinned as Peter shook his head to clear the visions and climbed onto the bed with the pizza. He watched Wade tidy his things away, chewing casually on his pizza slice he suddenly stalled, eyes wide as he stared at Wade.

"Oh my god."

"What?"

"You did have a phone!"

"Oh... yeah so-" he was cut off as a pillow hit his face.

"You're an ass."

Wade shrugged, a sheepish smile on his face as he picked the pillow up off the floor. "Sorry. Imagine how easily we'd have figured this out if you'd got my number."

"Mmm..."

"Hey wait. I had your number though. Did you change your phone?"

Peter shook his head softly. "I have two."

"So a... Spidey phone and a Peter phone? Why?"

Peter held Wade's gaze for a moment.

"Oh. Secret identity reasons."

"Yeah."

The room went quiet again as Wade sat back on the bed, reaching for the pizza.

"You know, it really hurt when you didn't call."

Wade frowned over at him. "When?"

"When we, split up or whatever it was. You said you'd call when you needed me, but you didn't."

Peter had kicked the pizza box away from him, choosing instead to hug the pillow to his body. Wade sighed and shuffled over to him.

"If I'd have called you when I needed you, I'd never have stopped."

"What do you mean?"

Wade came to rest next to Peter, taking the pillow from him before pulling him into a hug. "I mean, I'd have been calling constantly. I figured you wanted me to leave you alone, and to be honest, i didn't want to risk calling and you not want to talk to me."

Peter felt horrible, he turned in Wade's arms and wrapped his arms around the Merc's shoulders, giving him a squeeze.

"I wanted to talk to you. I always do."

"Well, I'm holding you to that."

"We really are idiots aren't we?"

"Oh sure, but as long as I'm your idiot, I don't mind."

Peter smiled into Wade's neck. He didn't mind either.

Soon after, the pizza was demolished and it was starting to go dark outside. Wade glanced out the window and sighed softly.

"I err... I should probably head off soon."

Peter looked up from where he'd rested his head in Wade's lap. "Oh. You can stay you know? I don't mind."

"I know. It's just, as good as Al is, she literally forgets Dogpool exists sometimes and I'm worried she's not fed him."

"I forgot about Dogpool."

"Yeah."

Peter sat up, glancing at Wade before looking back down at the bed.

"Suppose I should let you go then."

A thought flashed through Wade's mind and he broached it nervously.

"Unless, you... you want to come back with me?"

At this Peter raised his head, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Yeah?"

"I mean, if you want? My place is a total pit but, the dog's there? And me." He added as an after thought.

Peter was smiling properly now. "Yeah, okay then. Let's do it."

They stood from the bed, Wade grabbed his bag as Peter shoved what he needed into it.

"Oh. By the way, Al is every bit the horror I've told you she is."

Peter rolled his eyes with a giggle. "I'm sure she's lovely."

By the time they'd made it back to Wade's, Wade had gotten an earful from Al for disappearing and they'd both been monstered by Dogpool, it was gone Midnight. Wade was lying on his bed when Peter entered his room, looking a little embarrassed.

"What did she do? Did she pull the old 'let me touch your face' shit?"

Peter shook his head before mumbling. "She said I smell good."

Wade smirked. "Well she's not wrong. Oh, you've gained a tag along."

Peter looked behind him and smiled as Dogpool plodded into the room. "Hey Doggy. You gonna sleep with us?"

Wade sighed. "Well, looks like he is now." He stood up as Dogpool made himself comfy in the middle of the bed.

"I'll be back in a sec." he patted Peter's shoulder. "Copy the dog."

Peter looked down at Dogpool and grinned.

When Wade returned from the bathroom, and a little gossip session with Al, Peter was fast asleep. He contemplated waking him for a moment, but the sight in front of him was too good to disturb. Peter was lying on his side in the middle of the bed, Dogpool was next to him, his back against Peter's chest, snuggled under Pete's arm as they both lay under the duvet.

Wade settled for a quick photo on his phone before losing his bottoms and joining them. He curled up around Peter , hand coming over him to rest on the dog’s side. He guessed he could share Peter for one night, since he’d have him every night; now he’d finally got his Spider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one bonus chapter to go folks, thanks much for sticking with us to the end ♥


	12. "Worlds’ sexiest billionaire just saw me naked."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade joins Peter and the other Avengers for one final attack on the Blob Monsters. There's jokes and Chinese food and goo. So much goo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it, folks! A nice little bonus chapter (because I can't stop) to say thanks for all the love you've all given this ridiculous little story. Enjoy and thankyou!! ♥♥

Wade groaned, pulling Peter impossibly close as the younger man deepened the kiss. Peter vaguely registered his phone ringing somewhere, but nothing was going to get him to let go of the man finally in his bed. It had been a few weeks since the big reveal and the two men had spent as much time as possible together.

Peter was loving every second, and no more so than right at that moment. He was just about to prove this point and slide his leg over Wade's hip when Wade peaked over his shoulder. 

And screamed. 

Peter's head whipped round and he dived for the covers.

"TONY!" 

Tony pointed towards his ear and Peter groaned, Wade had buried himself under the covers and was hiding by Peter's side. 

"Are you okay?"

"Worlds’ sexiest billionaire just saw me naked but yeah fine sure. Also, I think your vibrating phone is under my ass."

"How does it feel?"

"Surprisingly enjoyable." He fished a hand behind him and handed the cell to Peter, who popped it on loud speaker and dropped it on the bed.

"Okay. First of all. Ew? Second, I'm buying you some blinds. Third, you're needed."

"I'm busy."

"Yeah. So was I, didn't stop you calling. Come on! Up and at em."

"Up and atom." Wade mumbled quietly and Peter giggled. 

"Err Spidey? Times-a-wasting. Blobs a-sploding."

That caught Wade's attention. 

"Wait, is this the exploding goo monsters I saw on the news?"

Tony crossed his arms. "Maybe."

Wade peeked up at Peter with the mother of all puppy eyes. Peter understood instantly.

"Okay I'll come... but Wade's coming too."

"Woah woah, that wasn't the arrangement!"

"Well it is now."

"Peter-"

"You either get Spider-Man and Deadpool, or nothing." Peter crossed his own arms, mirroring Tony's stance, though his own bare chest couldn't quite compare with the shiny armour of Tony's. 

Tony watched him for a moment longer before sighing. "Fine. Whatever. Hurry up and get moving."

"You gonna look away first?"

"Seriously?"

"Hey your choice, I'm just saying we are all kinds of naked under here."

Tony was getting too old for this shit.

"10 minutes. On the roof." He started to move off.

"Wade can't fly."

"Street then, Jesus Christ!" 

As Tony flew away he couldn’t help but smirk.

“Hey JARVIS? Call Cap for me, would you?”

“Connecting now…”

Tony was just settling down to street level when Steve picked up.

“Babe! Yeah, hi, listen- Have I got some gossip for you.”

-

Wade whined as Peter slipped from the bed.

“Do we have to go?”

“He’ll just keep coming back.”

Wade sighed. “I don’t like Tony.”

Peter smirked as he grabbed his suit off the floor, where it had been pretty hastily forgotten the night before. “He’s not a great fan of you either.”

Wade paused as he watched Peter wriggle his suit up, before crossing his arms with a pout.

“I’m not going.”

“Aww Wade. But, the blobs, baby…” Peter came to stand next to him by the bed. “How can you resist the blobs?”

God, Wade really wanted to see the blobs.

“But, Tony.”

“Well, its your choice.” Peter started as he turned and strolled across the room. “But I’ve found where there’s a Tony, there’s generally a Steve…”

A ridiculous amount of rustling occurred and when Peter turned Wade was already halfway into his suit.

“You’re so easy.”

-

“Deadpool? Really?”

Tony smirked at Clint, who blinked in response. “Well. I honestly do not know what to say.”

Steve was still frowning and Tony tipped his head to the side.

“What’s up, Pup?”

“I still can’t believe I didn’t realise. He said his new boyfriend was called Wade!”

“Babe, let it go.”

“But Wade!”

Wade was dealing with his own frustrations, albeit of a slightly different sort. He and Peter were standing a ways away from the group, as far as they’d managed to get before Wade had spotted Cap and frozen to the spot.

“God, look at him.”

Peter frowned. “Yeah. It’s Steve, come on.”

“It’s Steve? It’s Steve?! Pete, Peter baby. Cap!”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Fine, Cap. Whatever. They’re waiting for us.”

“I wish he was.”

Peter huffed and folded his arms. Wade was quickly coming to recognise that move, even through the mask.

“Pete?”

“No it’s fine. Keep going on to your boyfriend about how hot that other guy is.”

Wade sighed. “Okay I’m sorry, it’s not like he’s some random though is it? He’s freaking Captain America.”

“And you like him more than me. I get it.”

“Baby I… I don’t. I like you best, okay? He’s gorgeous, but he’s not my Spider, is he?”

Peter shrugged and Wade lent in to give his arm a squeeze.

“Peteeeeey? Baby?”

Peter threw his arms to his side with an overly dramatic sigh. “Okay! I’m fine. And I guess, he is gorgeous.”

“So gorgeous.”

“Wade!”

“I’m stopping! We should, we should go!”

Tony spied masked-up Peter and Wade heading in their direction. “Guys, shut up. Act natural.”

“Because that’s something this group is known for… hey Pete!... And Wade.” Clint added as he got to his feet.

“Hey Hawk!.. and Cap.”

Peter hoped he was the only one that heard that little squeal.

“So, what’s the deal?”

“Same as every night Pete. Try to destroy the blobs.”

“Sweet.” He nodded at Tony as the older man snapped his face guard shut and grabbed Wade’s arm. “Come on then Pinky, it’s blob time!”

Cap shook his head with a smile as the two ran across the park, catching a faint “Wait, why am I Pinky?!” As they moved out of earshot.

Wade peeked over at Peter as they made their way deeper into the park.

“Pete?”

Peter spotted Thor in the near distance and gave the God a wave. “Yeah?”

“Are we good?”

Peter paused from stuffing the bag he’d brought with them into a bush and turned to look at him. “What? Yeah of course. Why are you asking?”

Wade shrugged. “No reason.”

Peter sighed as Thor headed in their direction. “Look, I get it. You have a man crush on Cap. So does half the world, its fine. And besides,” He glanced over at the blonde and red blur heading their way. “Thor is hot.”

Wade took one look at the shining beauty now grinning widely at them. He really was.

“Ah! Our little arachnid! And the Red Man, great to have you! Hulk is rounding up the aliens as we speak.”

“Well then, lead the way.”

They followed Thor through to a clearing; Wade vaguely recognised it as near where they’d had their pizza date, though there were no dogs around now. Instead there was dozens upon dozens of gooey oozing blob monsters.

“Oh my God.”

Peter smirked. “Happy now?”

“The news did not do these justice. How’s best to get rid of them?”

“I think Hulk’s about to demonstrate.”

Hulk let out his patent roar, and swept his arm through the closest blob, smashing it to mush.

Wade’s eyes lit up as he stared at Peter.

“Oh Baby, Baby…”

“Go on, go play.”

Wade didn’t need to be told twice, and was soon taking off across the park with his swords outstretched, Thor following close behind spinning his hammer through anything that oozed.

Peter stood and watched as Deadpool ran through the monsters, slicing and jumping and whooping at the top of his voice.

"So... Deadpool was your other guy."

Peter didn’t have to turn to recognise Steve.

"Yeah... and my new guy."

"Yeah Tony told me. What are the chances?"

Peter watched as Wade ran towards Thor with his hand held out, the God grabbed him and spun him round laughing heartily as he saw Wade fly straight through the middle of a monster, exploding it and landing on his butt with a scream.

"I couldn't tell you, but I'm not complaining."

Wade was back on his feet and spotted Peter stood out of the action chatting to Cap. He waved his arms above his head and shouted to get Peter’s attention.

"Hey! Spidey!! Baby, come shoot your webs through em!"

He turned his head towards Steve. "Well, can't turn down a request like that."

Steve held out his arms. "Be my guest."

Peter grinned and leapt up into the air, boosting off of a street light he shot a cluster web at a small group of the monsters, landing on the ground just as they popped. He got glomped by Deadpool a second later, who had clearly ran straight through the bursting monsters if the state of him was anything to go by.

"This is the best fun I've ever had!"

"Oh really? Ever?"

He paused and pulled Peter close with an arm around his waist.

"Whenever I'm with you is the best, baby boy." He pressed their noses together for a second, then jumped away. "Dogpool would've loved this!"

"Make a note to bring him next time."

They both looked up at a tremendous roar and Wade threw his arms up in the air.

"Oh my god... Hulk's gonna go for the final finish! Yeah Hulk!" Deadpool was off again, charging across the park as Hulk came from the other direction.

"Err Spider-Man? Wanna stop your boyfriend from getting a Smash Attack?"

He waved as Tony flew overhead, but stood still. "Nah he'll be fine."

Wade was more than fine. He'd found Thor and the two had gotten a ring side seat for Hulk's final attack. And what an attack it was, Hulk came bounding in, jumped up into the air and came down on the biggest monsters with a booming "SMASSHH!"

Wade and Thor jumped to their feet with a scream. A tidal wave of goo washed over them like those kids that always stood too close to the log flume at theme parks.

"Yeaaahhh Hulk!!" 

Clint appeared a minute later, diving behind Cap and peering over his shoulder at Hulk.

“Hey!”

“I’ve gotten drenched by that overgrown dog enough!”

Steve grabbed Clint’s collar and pushed him out in front, grinning that all American grin as Clint whined about “Not fair!” and “We can’t all have super strength!”

Luckily for everyone, but mostly Clint, Hulk soon changed back into Bruce, who ran over to the jet and stood shivering until Tony stopped laughing and opened the door. Bruce had just re-emerged wrapped in a blanket when Wade realised Peter was missing.

“Petey?”

He scanned the area and breathed a sigh of relief as he spotted a familiar red and blue leg sticking out of a bush. It was quickly followed by the rest of his Spider and his trusty back pack. He jogged back over to the group and Wade tipped his head.

“I never asked, what’s in the bag?”

“Spare clothes?”

“You don’t have any back at Mansion Tony?”

“I do, you don’t.”

Wade’s heart warmed like it did the time he ate too many tacos. God, he loved Peter.

“I didn’t think about that.”

“Well I figured you’d get pretty disgusting.”

“You know me so well.” Wade made to follow Peter onto the jet when Tony, once again sans-helmet, spoke up.

"Err, that is not coming."

Tony pointed at Deadpool who held his arms out wide. 

"Hey! Thor's as gross as I am!"

Thor, who was currently squeezing gunk out of his hair, looked up and grinned. "Let the Red Man come! He has proven to be a great asset!"

"Yeah great at getting everything all gunky."

"Tony..."

He dropped the patented Stark puppy eyes on Steve. "But, my showers."

They failed.

"They're all coming back. And you're giving your cleaners a raise."

"Steve!"

Wade took Peter's hand and all but skipped onto the jet. "Ooh it'll be nice to have a shower without Dogpool trying to join in."

"What the heck is a Dogpool?"

Wade peered at Clint. "He's my dog."

"You named him Dogpool?!"

Peter snorted, covering his mouth as Wade spun round to look at him.

"You're all a bunch of snobs. Dogpool's better than all of you!"

-

It didn’t take long to arrive back at Stark Tower, Tony quickly escaped his suit and stood pristine, staring in distain at his soggy team mates.

“Right! Showers, all of you. My couches cost more than your life.”

Peter stepped up to Wade and smirked, taking hold of his hand and not so subtly tugging him to the exit. Tony spotted them leaving and winced.

"And you two! You break it, you replace it!"

"Sorry, I'm broke!"

"PETER!"

“Hey, let them go.”

Tony turned to Steve, now out of his helmet, and pouted again.

“But-“

“But nothing.” He pulled Tony close by his hip.

“God, what’s gotten into you lot? Is there an aphrodisiac in that goo that doesn’t affect me or something?”

“Well if we come back to Bruce and Clint going for it on the couch then we’ll know.”

“You used to be so innocent Steve, what on Earth happened?”

Steve pulled back to fix Tony with a look.

“You. You happened.”

Tony smirked. “And it was the best thing that ever happened to you.”

Steve rolled his eyes and thought for a second before a devilish smirk spread over his lips. It was not unlike Tony’s, though Tony only had a second to notice before he was hauled Fireman style over Steve’s shoulder.

He definitely did not shriek, despite what Clint would say later, and protested heavily as he was hauled off to Steve’s bedroom.

Peter was still laughing as they reached the showers, but soon stopped as Wade dragged him inside and pinned him to the sink.

"Wade?"

"Petey."

Peter raised his arms and wrapped them around Wade's neck. Wade took the hint and lifted him up to sit on the edge of the sink. Peter snuffled into his neck, poking the tip of his tongue against Wade's skin.

"Hey... might want to let me wash this gunk off me before you go swallowing down some monster babies."

Peter let go and sat up straight. 

"That's disgusting."

"That's not what you usually say when it goes in your mouth." Wade winked and Peter rolled his eyes, giving him a hard shove in the direction of the shower.

"In there."

"You getting forceful with me, baby?"

"Oh you don't like that?"

"Don't know, we haven't tried it."

"How about you strip for me and we'll see?"

"Well we are getting a confident little Spider aren't we? Also that might be difficult since I've got a super boner right now."

"Wade! Just strip off and get the shower."

"Yes Spider-Man, Sir." 

"You asshole." Peter said with a laugh as he dropped down off the sink and fought his way out of his suit. Wet spandex, lovely. 

A knock sounded on the door, and Clint's voice was muffled on the other side.

"Hey, when you guys are all done humping each other, can we eat so I can leave?"

"So you can go home and hump your wife?"

"I got three kids, you think I got time for that?"

"So how did you get three kids?"

"Shut up, Steve!"

Tony's smile fell as Steve stood from the bed.

"Err, since when do we take orders from the Hawk?"

Steve grinned over at him as he dressed. "Not Clint, but my stomach's pretty convincing."

"Your stomach's taking away my naked solider."

Steve threw Tony's tee shirt at his face.

"The faster we eat, the faster you might get him back."

"Now there's a way to convince me!"

Peter groaned, sharp fingernails dug into Wade’s shoulders as the other man thrust deeply into him. His head fell back under the shower stream and he coughed as the water poured over his face. Wade spun them round, pressing Peter into the opposite wall. He lent in for a kiss, biting at Peter’s lip. Peter gasped, his eye catching Wade’s as they parted. 

“Wade, m’love you.”

Wade stared at Peter. His eyes were half closed, pouty lips hanging open as he gasped for breath.

He looked perfect.

“I love you, Wade.”

“Fuck Pete. Me too baby, love you.”

Peter pulled Wade’s head to his with one hand, kissing him deeply as Wade fucked him into the wall.

-

“So, her name’s Bernie?”

“Yeah…” Bruce clicked around on his phone. “That’s her.”

“Oh, she’s cute. You know, in a you kinda way. You guys go well together.”

“Yeah, she’s nice.”

“Bruce and Bernie Banner.” Clint smiled. “Got a nice ring to it.”

Bruce fidgeted. “I guess?”

“Does she know about the whole…” Clint deepened his voice. “Smash now! Thing?”

More fidgeting. “Yeah. She saw my name on TV. She’s a Doctor so, she gets it.”

“Like a you Doctor or a regular Doctor?

“Actually, err, she’s a Vet.”

“Oh man. Don’t tell my girl, she’s fully in the ‘gonna be a Vet’ stage right now.”

Bruce laughed. “I’ll send Bernie round to give her all the info.”

Clint waved his hands in the air. “Please don’t! If I get one more stray cat with a “Oh but Daddy! It’s leg!” I’ll put an arrow in myself.”

Bruce only laughed harder, Clint shook his head with a grin. “Kids huh? Anyway, I’m happy for you man, she sounds great.”

“Thanks Clint.”

“What are we thanking Clint for?”

They looked up as Tony and Steve entered the room. Clint didn’t need to look at Bruce to know not to involve Tony.

“Because I got us all this amazing Chinese of course!”

“We love you, Clint.” Steve said with a smile as he plopped into a chair.

“Yeah. Good work Hawk, you are truly everyone’s Dad.”

“Jeeze, thanks kids.”

Tony started to scoop rice into a bowl. “Speaking of kids, where’s team Badly Drawn Eyeholes?”

Clint shrugged, snagging two chicken balls. “Dunno, haven’t seen em.”

Tony turned to pout at Steve. “My showers!”

Steve just laughed. “Shut up and eat your rice.”

"Wade..."

"Baby?"

"We need to get out, we've been in here so long."

Wade let his hands trail down Peter's sides.

"And?"

"They're gonna know what we've been doing."

"You think Cap and Iron haven't been... Capping the Iron?"

"What does that even mean?"

"You know exactly what it means." He let his hands move around, squeezing at Peter's behind. 

"Wade! Come on, I'm getting wrinkly."

"You're adorable wrinkly." 

"Waaaaade!"

"Ugh fine! But you owe me later."

Peter merely smirked over his shoulder as he turned the water off. Wade was taking that as a yes. 

Wade was wary about heading back to the others for food without his mask, but Peter shushed his worries with a quiet “They won’t care.”

And he was right. He might have gotten a few odd looks from Tony but then he had just defiled his second best boy in his third best shower so, Wade figured that was deserved. He actually ended up enjoying himself, soon joining in with the insults, giving as good as he got and even earning himself a laugh-turned-choke from Clint for a pretty well timed quip about Tony.

A couple of hours had passed when Peter’s hand slid innocently onto his thigh. He glanced over at the other man who tipped his head to the side and quietly mumbled. “You want to go home?”

He took a second to look at Peter, from his mussed up shower hair and big brown puppy eyes to the hopeful, cheeky smile on his face, and grinned. “Sounds good to me.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Just one bonus chapter to go folks, thanks much for sticking with us to the end ♥


End file.
